View Full Version : OT Friday Neet Joke Thread

17-01-2014, 08:22 PM
Sheffield Wednesday XD

17-01-2014, 08:33 PM
What is a MM Fan's idea of a balanced diet?

A Beer in each hand!

17-01-2014, 08:38 PM
What is a rednecks last words?



17-01-2014, 08:42 PM
Alcohol is never the answer...

But it does make you forget the question ;)

17-01-2014, 08:43 PM
Beer doesn't make you fat...

it makes you Lean...

on tables, chairs & random people :P

17-01-2014, 08:50 PM
A starving Asylum seeker is greeted at Dover by a good fairy who grants him 3 wishes,

he says "i'm hungry"...POW...A HUGE BANQUET APPEARS!

He says "i want a nice house"...POW...A mansion with a swimming pool appears.

He then says "i want to be British"...POW...The Mansion,the banquet,everything vanishes!! He asks"Wheres everything gone??"The Fairy says" you're British now mate... your entitled to nothing...

17-01-2014, 08:59 PM
NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden has applied for asylum in 22 countries.

Bet he ends up in Rotherham

17-01-2014, 09:05 PM
evenin..;-) Now i'm in form work I can contribute...

My Korean girlfriend just made me a pie from scratch...

I'm gutted...I loved that dog...:blue:

17-01-2014, 09:05 PM
My wife thought my sexual fantasy of shagging Pamela Anderson was quite normal.

But Pamela is the milf at work and her son has just turned 18.

17-01-2014, 09:07 PM
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore...

A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the women's husband...:O

17-01-2014, 09:08 PM
Women say that men can't concentrate on two things at once...

i beg to differ of course we can ...a pair of tits is great example...:P

17-01-2014, 09:08 PM
What have sperm and asylum seekers got in common?

They come in thousands but only one works.

17-01-2014, 09:10 PM
One for Crash

There were 4 people sitting in a railway carriage on a train, a Welshman, an Englishman, an old lady and a pretty young lady. The train went through a short tunnel and there was a loud slap. As the train came into the light the old lady thought to herself, "One of those men must have touched up that young lady."
The young lady thought to herself, "I can't believe that one of those men touched up that old lady."
The Englishman thought, "If that Welshman does that again he'll get another slap."

17-01-2014, 09:13 PM
'Sorry I'm late home from work'' I said as I arrived back from work...

'Some bloke had lost a AŁ20 note in Tesco's'...

'We're you helping him look for it?' asked my wife...

'No...I was standing on it!'

17-01-2014, 09:14 PM
Saw 3 Wednesday fans playing football with a cat, was just about to complain to the rspca when the cat went 1-0 up

17-01-2014, 09:15 PM
What is the of the most successful and popular form of male contraception?

The blow job!

17-01-2014, 09:18 PM
I said to my mate...'I told this girl last night that I was a ventriloquist'...

He said..'But you aren't'...

I said 'I know but I still put my hand up her skirt and made her lips move'

17-01-2014, 09:20 PM
'Oh my god you're a f.ucking animal in bed!' screamed my girlfriend...

'I know' I replied...as I humped her leg and sniffed her a.rse...

17-01-2014, 09:22 PM
Got the misses a Man Utd bra for her birthday...

She hates it...says the support is crap and it won't be long til the tits are out of both cups!

17-01-2014, 09:24 PM
Woke up this morning and gently rubbed my c.ock against her bum hole...

She stirred from her sleep and said in a croaky voice' PACK IT IN'...

Well...I didn't need asking twice...;D

17-01-2014, 09:27 PM
A gorgeous blonde found an old lamp and stroked it gently...

'I wonder if a genie will come' she mused...

From inside the lamp she heard ' Yes ..if you rub it a bit faster'..

17-01-2014, 09:36 PM
What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?

A puppy stops whining after it grows up.

17-01-2014, 10:16 PM
Said to the bloke across the street "when you where having sex last night all the street was watching you should draw the curtains"
He said "well the laughs on them,I was'nt even at home last night"

18-01-2014, 07:46 PM
Late but !

Grandson came to our house today,says to me, " Grandad I've got a part in our school play, I play a man who's been married for 25 years. " I said, " Ne-mind son, tha might get a speaking part next time. " !

20-01-2014, 12:42 PM
Heard the one about the three nuns

when asked what were their nuns of The first said "This"
The second said " that"
The third said "other"

20-01-2014, 12:59 PM
A man left for work one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending all his wages.
When he finally got home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife.
After two hours, she stopped nagging and said: 'How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?' He replied: 'That would be fine with me.' Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough for him to see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

20-01-2014, 06:57 PM
If I cut off my left arm and my left ear and my left leg.

would I be alright?

20-01-2014, 07:01 PM
Name five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives




foo king

and Wan king.