View Full Version : Just seen a bloke driving a tractor down the street...

06-03-2015, 07:59 AM
...shouting, "the end is nigh, the end is nigh!"

Think it was Farmer Geddon :D

Any more Friday funnies?

06-03-2015, 08:08 AM
Yorkshire contabulary reported that 374 sat navs have been stolen from their vehicles in the last four months.

Police are still lookings for Leeds.

06-03-2015, 08:17 AM
Blackburn Rovers. 'nough said.

06-03-2015, 08:23 AM
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bog. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The barman goes to investigate. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts."
The barman opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

06-03-2015, 08:54 AM
None of you will ever guess who I have just bumped into in spec savers
XD everybody

06-03-2015, 12:01 PM
Burnley police station have had their toilet seat stolen.

They are making enquiries but currently have nothing to go on.

06-03-2015, 12:03 PM
I went to the doctors who told me that I had to lose 10 stones of ugly fat

So I divorced the wife!

06-03-2015, 01:41 PM
The water is so hard where I live, the plumbers go round in pairs.

06-03-2015, 01:44 PM
Where do you live DiBranchio...Leek?

06-03-2015, 08:34 PM
Near Water. XD

06-03-2015, 08:41 PM
If you see someone walking down the street wearing camouflage clothing, should you walk into them to let them know it's not working?

06-03-2015, 11:58 PM
The mother-in-law came round last night, She said she'd got a job at Manchester Airport... kick-starting jumbo jets!

The mother-in-law came round last night. I should have increased the dose! (Les Dawson)

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They're not laughing now! (Bob Monkhouse)

07-03-2015, 08:54 AM
"She had the best set of teeth I ever came across" - Linda Lovelace's dentist

07-03-2015, 10:27 AM
Another from Les Dawson.

"I remember my wedding as if it was yesterday

If it was tomorrow I'd cancel it"

07-03-2015, 10:31 AM
Young girl with a lisp goes to the doctors and doctor puts stethoscope on her chest.

Doctor says "Big breaths"

Girl says "Yeth and I'm only thixteen"

07-03-2015, 10:53 AM
Mrs DiB said she would like to see my feminine side, so I nipped outside.
When I returned an hour later she asked, 'Where on Earth have you been?'
'Parking the car,' I replied.

07-03-2015, 11:04 AM
FD whilst on the subject of camouflage I went into the Army & Navy stores and asked the attendant if he had any camouflage jackets "yes he said I have got loads of em"
But I can't find them

08-03-2015, 06:55 AM
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her post code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

08-03-2015, 10:55 AM
Blackburn girls are so ugly, even their dildos need viagra.