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View Full Version : Just seen a bloke driving a tractor down the street...



Fretters
06-03-2015, 07:59 AM
...shouting, "the end is nigh, the end is nigh!"

Think it was Farmer Geddon :D


Any more Friday funnies?

CaspertheClaret
06-03-2015, 08:08 AM
Yorkshire contabulary reported that 374 sat navs have been stolen from their vehicles in the last four months.

Police are still lookings for Leeds.

tomtheclaret
06-03-2015, 08:17 AM
Blackburn Rovers. 'nough said.

GordonvaleClaret
06-03-2015, 08:23 AM
A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bog. A few minutes later, a loud, bloodcurdling scream is heard. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The barman goes to investigate. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring my customers!
"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my nuts."
The barman opens the door, looks in and says, "You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

g69
06-03-2015, 08:54 AM
None of you will ever guess who I have just bumped into in spec savers
XD everybody
UTC

mkmel
06-03-2015, 12:01 PM
Burnley police station have had their toilet seat stolen.

They are making enquiries but currently have nothing to go on.

mkmel
06-03-2015, 12:03 PM
I went to the doctors who told me that I had to lose 10 stones of ugly fat

So I divorced the wife!

DiBranchio
06-03-2015, 01:41 PM
The water is so hard where I live, the plumbers go round in pairs.

mkmel
06-03-2015, 01:44 PM
Where do you live DiBranchio...Leek?

DiBranchio
06-03-2015, 08:34 PM
Near Water. XD

Funkydrummer
06-03-2015, 08:41 PM
If you see someone walking down the street wearing camouflage clothing, should you walk into them to let them know it's not working?

JeremyBender
06-03-2015, 11:58 PM
The mother-in-law came round last night, She said she'd got a job at Manchester Airport... kick-starting jumbo jets!

The mother-in-law came round last night. I should have increased the dose! (Les Dawson)

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. They're not laughing now! (Bob Monkhouse)

HatfieldClaret
07-03-2015, 08:54 AM
"She had the best set of teeth I ever came across" - Linda Lovelace's dentist

mkmel
07-03-2015, 10:27 AM
Another from Les Dawson.

"I remember my wedding as if it was yesterday

If it was tomorrow I'd cancel it"

mkmel
07-03-2015, 10:31 AM
Young girl with a lisp goes to the doctors and doctor puts stethoscope on her chest.

Doctor says "Big breaths"

Girl says "Yeth and I'm only thixteen"

DiBranchio
07-03-2015, 10:53 AM
Mrs DiB said she would like to see my feminine side, so I nipped outside.
When I returned an hour later she asked, 'Where on Earth have you been?'
'Parking the car,' I replied.

g69
07-03-2015, 11:04 AM
FD whilst on the subject of camouflage I went into the Army & Navy stores and asked the attendant if he had any camouflage jackets "yes he said I have got loads of em"
But I can't find them
UTC

tonymorleysbaldhead
08-03-2015, 06:55 AM
Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her post code on her stomach?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box.

casknotkeg
08-03-2015, 10:55 AM
Blackburn girls are so ugly, even their dildos need viagra.