View Full Version : o/t friday neet jokes !!!

01-04-2015, 07:07 PM
shhhhhh brin wont notice >:) >:-)

please feel free to add some ;D

God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.

God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.

"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over to get some stuff out of the freezer and my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my knickers to one side and made love to me right then and there."

"They don't like that in heaven, said God.

The woman replied: "They're not too happy about it in tesco either!

01-04-2015, 07:10 PM
What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?


01-04-2015, 07:11 PM
one for the ladies :)

What are Men like ???

Men are like...

1. Men are like ...Laxatives ... They irritate the s *** out of you.

2. Men are like ... Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.

3. Men are like ... Weather ... Nothing can be done to change them..

4. Men are like ... Blenders ... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

5. Men are like ... Chocolate Bars ... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

6. Men are like ... Commercials ... You can't believe a word they say.

7. Men are like ... Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

8. Men are like ... Government Bonds ... They take soooooooo long to mature.

9. Men are like ... Mascara ... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

10. Men are like ... Popcorn . ... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

11. Men are like . Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

12. Men ar

01-04-2015, 07:14 PM

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
is not enough money there?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks if you throw a
revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Are there especially reserved parking spaces for 'Non-Disabled' people
at the Paralympics?

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as
cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

If it's true that w