Hmm must admit I'm struggling here. I'll put your post through a cockney rhyming slang translator to see if that can help decipher it.
Ch 'eaven and 'ell........tea nickle and dime crowd and me Dog and Bone would din' wif a text........in unison the chaps will giraffe “ that’ll be the shepherds Joe Rook!”......three ter carpet and a Ca and Calf pints would be the normal lengf of extension unless adverse wevah and then perhaps Jack's Alive pints........i’ll set me Kettle and Hob tonight and find aahhht 'a long the shepherds Joe Rook will be! good fin' is na ......i’ll lose Pieces of Eight and 'eaven and 'ell.....gain sum Bread and Honey.....win/win.
Nope sorry.