brins friday neet joke thread (adult content)

[villamiller]

seems my rotund friend is a little late toneet so here goes ,
An African bloke knocked on my door asking me to fill his bucket with water.

"How far have you walked to get here? " I asked.

"I'm the ****ing window cleaner" he replied.

[villamiller]

My son said he saw Charlotte's Web at school today








They hit puberty bloody quick now! She's only 9

[villamiller]

I got a call today from a distorted voice saying




"Five grand in cash, or we kill your wife"







Both options were tempting, but I decided to take the money

[villamiller]

I saw my friend Paddy passing my house wearing one shoe

I ran out and asked him: "Have you lost a shoe Paddy?"

He replied: "No, I just found one."

[villamiller]

After years of in depth studies and research, scientists have finally found out what makes women happy







Nothing

[villamiller]

Went to the doctors and he told me I need a pacemaker


I now have this annoying kenyan tw@t 2 yards in front of me wherever I go..

[villamiller]

BBC Headline: Grand Theft Auto 5 encourages children to be violent

I have to agree

As a child I was completely influenced by Tom and Jerry and now spend all of my spare time hitting cats in the face with frying pans while dogs chase me with baseball bats

[villamiller]

The missus lost a tooth last night whilst eating a packet of dry roasted nuts. To be fair i did warn her not to keep rustling the packet while the football was on.

[villamiller]

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds

Poor b*stard

[villamiller]

"Please don't make me daddy.

I don't like it!" My son whined, trying to wriggle free,

"It smells of pee and tastes disgusting."

"That's a horrible thing to say!" I scolded

"Now stop being so silly and go and give your Nana a kiss."