The Child Bride and the father-in-law are glued to the box watching three blokes tackle one poor sod who has the odd shaped ball.

One tries to take his socks off, one tries to rip his shorts off and the third one tries to pull the poor sod's head off.

Every time there are five tackles the other team gives the ball back to the opposing team.

The gob****e with the whistle who referees this embarrassing spectacle, talks to the players through a mouthpiece elastoplasted to his head, like they are all braindead mutants (probably correct!)

It's 8-4 to the pie eaters at half time and both teams have missed kicking try points that the likes of Wilkinson, Farrell and Carter would knock over in their sleep.

Ye Gods! This game is shoite! Plus there are thousands of face painted, totally deranged mutants watching the game whilst supping ale and eating pies. I believe they actually pay money to watch this tosh?