Reply With QuoteA dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a *****, and his owner beats him daily.
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A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yeah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
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A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a *****, and his owner beats him daily.
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A married couple down on their luck decides to make a few extra quid by reluctantly having the wife work the street corner. After the first day the husband picks her up and asks "how did you do?". She says, "I did pretty well, I made A?200.50p". He asks, "What asshole gave you 50 pence?" and she replies "all of them".
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My girlfriend and I were having *** the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."
So I ****ed her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don't watch the same movies.
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I used to be a sadistic necrophiliac with a penchant for bestiality, but I realized I was just flogging a dead horse.
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A family are driving behind a bin lorry when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
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Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First tramp says "Today i found £20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".
to which the second tramp replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train station, and found a woman tied to the train tracks. After I untied her, we ****ed all day"
"Did you get a blow job?"
"Nah, I couldn't find her head"
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With the earlier joke about Peachy etched in my memory - thankfully Brin we have missed out on the Polar Vortex.Originally Posted by Brin
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