OT - The Friday Night Joke ermmm no, Reality thread

[Brin]

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes."

The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes-that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man

[ScarboroughMiller]

My wife keeps dropping hints about a ***y gift she wants.
"It begins with 'D' and ends in 'O' .. and it fits snugly in there", she winked as she pointed suggestively at her crotch.
I said, "Where the **** am I gonna find a didgeridoo?"

[Brin]

A guy is sitting in a bar with his friends bitching about going home to his wife.

His friends ask him why he doesn't want to go home to such a fine looking woman and he replies...

"Well, the problem is that she has Gonnorrhea"

So what say the friends, flip her over.

"Well, she also has diarrhea" the guy says.

"Yuck, but what about her mouth." The friends chime in.

"Halitosis" the man says.

"Damn, Why would you stay with her?" The friends say.

"Well," the guy replies "She also has worms, and you guys know how I like to fish."

[ScarboroughMiller]

I had just hung up my phone on the bus this morning when I got a tap on the shoulder, "Excuse me," said a ****age girl dressed in her school uniform, "I wonder if you could settle an argument for us? Me and my friend just overheard your phone ringing just then and I'm pretty sure it was Beyonce, but my friend is adamant it was Rihanna..."

I said, "You're both wrong, it was my mum."

[Brin]

[quote="ScarboroughMiller"

I said, "You're both wrong, it was my mum."[/quote]






There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me."

A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven.

The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

[Brin]

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads, "Cheese Sandwich: £1.50; Chicken Sandwich: £2.50; Hand Job: £10.00."

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "Can I help you?" "I was wondering," whispers the man, "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" "Yes," she purrs, "I am." The man replies, "Well, go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

[Brin]

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Madam, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "if your cock is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

[howdydoo]

[1960smiller]

If you have totally lost your marbles this week and forgotten how far RUFC have progressed, since Steve Evans took over as manager, please print the following and stick it in a frame for yourself.





PS. Brin, stick some jokes up, FFS.We could go backwards just as quick as we did coming forward & that's not a fecking Joke.Carry on Brin sorry.

lol

[Ericsladkilnhurst]

Paddy decides to take up boxing, goes for the medical,a few days later the doctor rings, Paddy youv'e got sugar diabetes, Paddy says thats quick when do I fight him.