jokes

[pilgrimwhite]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

[pilgrimwhite]

I went to the doctors with hearing problems.

He said "Can u describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

[pilgrimwhite]

My son asked me to explain women to him

so I bought him an Xbox game for his Playstation

[pilgrimwhite]

Just watched a film about Steven Spielberg getting circumcised

Think it was the directors cut

[pilgrimwhite]

My wife keeps complaining about my premature ejaculation.

She took it on the chin at first but now it just gets on her tits!

[george_kaplan]

So......guy and wifey sat in living room, guy has remote. Flicking from one channel to the next, first the fishing channel then the ****o channel......fishing, ****o, fishing, ****o, fishing, ****o. Wifey shouts out "for crying out loud, leave it on the ****o channel, you already know how to fish"......

One for our gals!

[pilgrimwhite]

[bathlad61]

What do you call two Spanish Firemen? - Hose A & Hose B

[Monaco_Totty]

A Primary Teacher explains to her class that she is a Plymouth fan.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they too are Plymouth fans.

Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl.

The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, 'Mary, why didn't you raise your hand?'

'Because I'm not a Plymouth fan,' she replied.

The teacher, still shocked, asked, 'Well, if you are not a Plymouth fan, then who are you a fan of?'

'I am a Exeter fan, and proud of it,' Mary replied.

The teacher could not believe her ears. 'Mary, why, pray tell, why are you a Exeter fan?'

'Because my mum is a Exeter fan, and my dad is a Exeter fan, so I'm a Exeter fan too!'

'Well,' said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, 'that is no reason for you to be a Exeter fan.

You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time... What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then?'

'Then,' Mary smiled, 'I'd be a Plymouth fan.

[whitestomper45]