The Tavern was empty

[MissWinnie]

Oh and Dad?

Yubby was the one who wanted the kitten Mum only said he could have it, if HE promised to clean up the mess ...

[yubbywelch]

Yes I did. But I couldn't eat a whole one. So if Winnie helps with the mess, can we have a half each?

[ozfan]

The good news is they've re-opened the highway to the Tavern so new customers and I don't have to listen to the same old crap from you lot of bar hugging beer bags. Love uze

[MissWinnie]

Oh, I'm sure us bar hugging beer bags can find plenty of new rubbish with which to entertain new customers and one dressing gowned, hair in need of a comb, too much smart for his pants landlord. We love uze too!

[ozfan]

Right, I need something cheap and cheerful to attract new punters. Winnie what are you doing? How about holding a sign with cheap lager. You have to really wave it about

[MissWinnie]

I'm re-arranging your bar peanuts in their little dishes to your exact specifications, Oz. Again. It would work quite well if only we could keep them out of reach of the grubby paws of the customers ...

And I've told you before - I may be cheerful, but I am most certainly not cheap (haughty face) despite zero wages paid to me by your good tight wad self. And as for your preposterous suggestion of enthusiastic sign waving , I think that contravenes clause 6.1 c of my slave labour contract.

Anyway, we're never going to attract more customers until you can teach BB not to give every punter who attempts to cross the Tavern threshold the third degree in claret and blue credentials. I realise "Hello and welcome" might seem quite a radical concept, but sometimes you have to push the boundaries if you want results?

[ozfan]

Perhaps I can have a word to him and have it reduced to a hearty 'Up the Villa!'

No you're not cheap. All those wage IOU's I had printed on heavy paper weren't cheap either.

And what's with the slave labour tag? You pestered me for months for a job here. Even when I was in a coma for a year after the 'accident' I could hear you in my subconscious. 'Got any jobs mister?, got any jobs?, got any jobs?'

Now take the sign I painted and go stand on the footpath. Please.

Whats wrong with 2 jugs for the price of 1?

[MissWinnie]

Ok. That's better. If you could just persuade him to shake new punters hands without him first checking to see if they have claret and blue clay soil under their fingernails, then that would be a big help too.

If you'd only invested a little more in your counterfeit wage IOU's, and got a nice fake watermark added too, like I suggested, then I might have been fooled by said fake wage IOU's, thus saving you the extra cost of having them reprinted.

Like I told you before, if you'd gone to the surgery, had the 20 years of ear wax, the ball of string, 3 paper clips and shortbread crumbs that you had stashed in your ears in the event of a VM emergency, then you might have heard that I was actually asking you if you had any dogs. Well, if Yubby was getting a kitten, then I thought it only fair that I get a puppy too. Next thing I knew, I was having a ball and chain clamped to my ankle, before being forced to sign said slave labour contract. Probably a counterfeit one at that, too.

Well, that's the first time in all these years I have heard you utter the word please. Obviously mixing with high class gals such as myself, LMV, and Rosie has done you the world of good. Sort of kind of.

Wasn't the sign meant to read "2 hot buns for the price of one"?. The special ones you keep hidden away behind the bar. You've been promising to show them to us for ages now.

[VillaRosie]

Hi anyone here?

My first time around these parts so I thought I would pop in and soak up the atmosphere. BB looking smart in his pink jacket and platforms gives a nice 1970's look to the place.


Could I have a cocktail please anything with vodka would be appreciated and do you have one of those brollys and swizzle sticks?

[ozfan]

Yes, yes, Sorry, just having a staffing issue. Welcome to the finest Villa Tavern ever.

May I suggest a refreshing Cosmopolitan? With swizzle sticks but no brollies as the moths got to them.