OT The crap joke thread..................

[Stainlessly]

A guy goes to prison for the first time and finds himself sharing a cell with the biggest guy he has ever seen.

On the first night the guy leans over and says, "Alright, mate. You and me are gonna be playing a lot of mummies and daddies in here. So who do you wanna be? The mummy or the daddy?"

The new guy thinks to himself that this bloke probably has a massive díck, and decides he would rather 'give' than 'receive'.

"Um... erm... well, I suppose I'll be the Daddy then."

"A good choice, Mate," Says the big guy. "Now come over here and suck Mummy's cóck."

[Stainlessly]

Quasimodo walks into a bar, strolls straight up to the barman and says "I"ll have a whisky please".

The barman says "Bells alright"?

Quasi replies "Mind your own f**king business"

[leontrotsky]

If you're here for the yodelling lesson, please form an orderly orderly orderly orderly queue

[leontrotsky]

Son: Dad, why did you and Mum name my little sister Teresa?

Dad: Because we decided that our childrens names should reflect the things we love, and your Mum absolutely loves Easter - and Teresa, is an anagram of Easter!

Son: Oh - that makes sense. Thanks Dad.

Dad: No problem Alan

[leontrotsky]

Compere Who had a hit with tiger feet?
Contestant Mud?
Compere That's right,that's right,that's right,that's Right!.......................

[leontrotsky]

The Monkees are touring Switzerland and my wife threatened to leave me unless we flew out there to see them.

I thought she was joking.......

Then I saw her face, Now I'm in Geneva...................

[leontrotsky]

Came home and found a note from the Mrs - she's left me!. Apparently she can't stand my obsession with American sitcoms.

Happy Days......................

[leontrotsky]

I've got deja vu and amnesia. I can't remember what happens next..............

[leontrotsky]

I asked my girlfriend if she would consider masturbating with fruit.





She went ****ing bananas

[leontrotsky]

The leader of ISIS in Britain has gone into hiding and surrounded himself with 72 virgins.

A Police spokesman said "At least we know he's not in Dundee!"