Hall Of Fame
I went round to my mates house yesterday and his kids were running round the house screaming ..
He looked at me and said don't ever have kids mate ..
I said they're hard work eh.!!!
He said no you're an ugly cu nt.
Hall Of Fame
Can you believe it? My income tax return form has been sent back to me.
Because in response to question 4
Do you have anyone independent on you? I replied
2-1 million illegal immigrants.
1-1 million crackheads.
4-4 million unemployable scroungers.
30,000 criminals in over 100 prisons .
Plus 809 idiots in Parliament.
They said that was not an acceptable answer..
So who the hell did I miss out.
Hall Of Fame
Plans to make the new TV series CSI Dundee have been scrapped after producers found that nobody has any dental records there and they all have the same DNA
Hall Of Fame
On a dental theme
My grandson has his first baby tooth taken out today.
Based on his dedication to iPad games his granda came up with a joke.
What is a dentist's favourite computer game?
Implants versus Zombies
Hall Of Fame
Rangers Cluedo...
It was the cripple, in the boardroom, with the cheque book.
Hall Of Fame
Two blokes standing having a chat and one says "I swallowed two bits of string and when they came out, they were tied together - I s h i t you knot"
Hall Of Fame
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted: "'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am". The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude".
"You must be a technician." said the balloonist. "I am" replied the man "how did you know?" "Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you have told me is probably technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is, I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip with your talk."
The man below responded, "You must be in management". "I am" replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" "Well," said the man "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You h
Hall Of Fame
A man from British Gas stopped me in the street the other day and said "Excuse me mate, do you have the time?"
"Certainly" I replied "Its sometime between 8.00am and 1.30 pm".
Hall Of Fame
A man starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.
As he does this, a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show the others who's boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased; he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.
Moving on to the second job of clearing out the chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade, killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.
He moved on to the last job, which is to collect honey from the South American bees. As soon as he starts, he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lion's cage - because lions eat anything.
Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He w
Hall Of Fame
I swallowed a bunch of scrabble tiles ... my next poop may spell disaster
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote