OT The crap joke thread..................

[Pacman1903]

1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine

And hotels quadruple+ their prices for this sh@te

[leontrotsky]

Browsing through ebay and saw someone had listed a bottle of Chinese Tippex.

The seller reckons its a corrector's item........

...I just purchased a 5 litre bottle of Tippex..
Huge mistake...

[leontrotsky]

Went to the sperm clinic earlier.

The lady asked if I'd like to masturbate in the cup?

I said "I'm good but not ready for competitions yet"............

[leontrotsky]

I tried to take a photo of some fog.
I mist.........

[leontrotsky]

Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my a**e!
Do you think I should change dentists?......

[Stainlessly]

Bought my wife a fridge for her birthday.

You should have seen her face light up when she opened it.

[leontrotsky]

This is my step ladder.

I never knew my real ladder.............................

[Stainlessly]

My doctor's just told me they've found a cure for dyslexia.

It was music to my arse...

[leontrotsky]

People think I'm stupid because I have a lisp.

I'm thick of it............

[ragnarok]

The rubbish has been piling up but I've bin too lazy to take it out.