OT The crap joke thread..................

[leontrotsky]

Just back from the Doctors.
"I've stated eating my feather pillows in my sleep and I'm really starting to get depressed" I told him.
"Down in the dumps?" He asked
"I don't know" I replied "I haven't been to the toilet since!".....................

[leontrotsky]

My gambling addiction cost me my marriage...

or as I like to think of it, won me a divorce...............

[Pacman1903]

My new dogs named Minton

Last night he ate all my shuttlecocks

Bad Minton

[Aldo1983]

Man walks into a pub with a rabbit. They sit at the bar.

Barman: What would you like?

Man: Pint of lager and a cheese toastie.

Barman serves the man and whilst he drinks the lager the rabbit eats the toastie then both leave before returning the next day.

Barman: What would you like?

Man: Pint of lager and a cheese and ham toastie.

Barman serves the man and whilst he drinks the lager the rabbit eats the toastie then both leave but return the next day.

Barman: What would you like?

Man: Pint of lager and a cheese and onion toastie.

Barman serves the man and whilst he drinks the lager the rabbit eats the toastie then both leave but return the next day.

Barman: What would you like?

Man: Pint of lager and a cheese and tomato toastie.

Barman serves the man and whilst he drinks the lager the rabbit eats the toastie then both leave.

...

Next day the man walks in alone.

Barman: Where's your rabbit?

Man: oh he died.

Barman: What did he die of?

Man: Mixing ma toasties.

[Pacman1903]

Just bumped into my mate Dave. Hes only got one arm bless him. I asked "where you off to Dave" He said he was away to change a lightbulb. I laughed my head off and said "thats going to be a bit akward is it not". Dave replied "not really as i still have the receipt you horrible c@nt"

[sheepcrooky]

My mate got the sack yesterday from Codona’s. He is going to sue them for funfair dismissal.

[leontrotsky]

Think I've just been scammed by text.
Message said congratulations you've just one £250 or two tickets all expenses paid, to see an Elvis Presley Tribute Show.
Text 1 for the money or 2 for the show.......................

[leontrotsky]

Someone said to me the other day that my grammar stinks.
I thought that was a bit harsh. She is 101 years old, & not in full control............

[leontrotsky]

What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?

Nina............

[leontrotsky]

Apparently it’s been so cold in Dundee today that people have been spotted with their hands in their own pockets.............................