OT The crap joke thread..................

[ragnarok]

At the pub quiz we were asked to name a German philosopher but I Kant think of one.

[ragnarok]

My job is to crush drink cans. It's soda pressing.

[Pacman1903]

My job is to crush drink cans. It's soda pressing.

Like it

[leontrotsky]

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.......

[leontrotsky]

I , for one , like Roman numerals...........aw **** it , I'm away t bed ....

[ragnarok]

I accidentally put a can of Pedigree Chum into my corned beef hash. It turned out to be a real dog's dinner.

[ragnarok]

I interviewed for a new job today but the HR manager seemed to be a conspiracy theorist. My CV stated that I worked at 7/11 full time for two years but he insisted that 7/11 was a part time job.

[Stainlessly]

Last night my missus started screaming at me ......."Give it to me, give it to me...oh God, I'm so f*cking wet, give it to me right now!!!"

I told her......... "You can scream all you want, but you're not getting the umbrella...

[leontrotsky]

Why do warships from Norway, Sweden & Denmark have bar codes on the side?
So when they return to port they can Scandinavian................

[leontrotsky]

I had my leg X-rayed today.

The doctor said: 'Your patella measures exactly 2.54cm'.

I said: 'Wow, inch high knees'

He said: '您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.'.................