A Home with The McCanns - Part 4

[stokearab]

Neil bounced downstairs into the luxury kitchen with a spring in his step. B&Q had done a brilliant job on their kitchen although Neil was disappointed with Carries choice of Dayglo Orange. In the bright Forfarshire sunlight Neil thought the kitchen looked Tangerine but he was on a high and dismissed it as a coincidence. Carrie was at the breakfast table knitting furiously, eating cornflakes, checking her phone, watching TV, stroking Wagner, painting her nails and reading the Courier. Women can do all this at once.

“Who’s my brilliant wee man then?” Carrie beamed at Neil

“What are you on about Carrie?”

“It’s the headline in the paper Neil”

“Headline Carrie?”

Carrie raised her voice and read the headline in grand theatrical style

“DARK BLUES BOSS HAS 100% RECORD”

“Is that what it says Carrie?”

“Aye, but I just read on a bit and it says you’ve lost 2 out of 2, hence the 100% part”

Neil was not impressed ..........“I’m running late, off tae work Carrie”

He snapped the seatbelt in place and his Mercedes purred into action. The salesman had said it was sunburst orange but Carrie had told Neil it was definitely Tangerine. As he cruised down the long drive at their Tannadice home, he noticed a small fat man weeding furiously in the flower beds. Neil waved but the small fat man appeared to flick a V sign back. Neil was undeterred.

The Forfarshire countryside was in full summer bloom and Neil felt on top of the world. His mind raced back to his glory days at SKYE, his comfy office with the big chair, so big in fact that his feet didn’t reach the floor.
As he dreamed of his playing days while driving, he overshot Dundee by quite a bit and appeared to be in Fife. Realising he was late for work and a meeting with Mr Nelms, he decided to ask for directions and pulled over at a bus stop.

“Can you tell me the way back to the M90 anyone?” he pleaded

Everyone shook their heads – they’d never heard of a motorway in Fife - but a frail old lady caught Neil’s eye. She was well dressed but appeared to be wearing an old Roma top.

She said “Are you Neil McCann?”

Neil beamed with pleasure at the recognition ”Yes, indeed I am madam”

To which she replied “Well I’m Paul Hartley’s mum and you can f uck off out of Kelty”

Neil hit the accelerator, turned up the volume on his Abba CD, whistled along happily and headed back to Dundee.

Coming up in Part 5...........the Nelms meeting takes place and new stadium plans are under discussion..........again........

[Juicy Fruit]

Class��

[Skolcorner]

A page-turner of epic proportions! (El Mundo)
Stoke brilliantly captures the pathos of all aspects of the Fun in this heartwarming tragicomedy. (Press and Journal)

[stokearab]

Neil bounced downstairs into the luxury kitchen with a spring in his step. B&Q had done a brilliant job on their kitchen although Neil was disappointed with Carries choice of Dayglo Orange. In the bright Forfarshire sunlight Neil thought the kitchen looked Tangerine but he was on a high and dismissed it as a coincidence. Carrie was at the breakfast table knitting furiously, eating cornflakes, checking her phone, watching TV, stroking Wagner, painting her nails and reading the Courier. Women can do all this at once.

“Who’s my brilliant wee man then?” Carrie beamed at Neil

“What are you on about Carrie?”

“It’s the headline in the paper Neil”

“Headline Carrie?”

Carrie raised her voice and read the headline in grand theatrical style

“DARK BLUES BOSS HAS 100% RECORD”

“Is that what it says Carrie?”

“Aye, but I just read on a bit and it says you’ve lost 2 out of 2, hence the 100% part”

Neil was not impressed ..........“I’m running late, off tae work Carrie”

He snapped the seatbelt in place and his Mercedes purred into action. The salesman had said it was sunburst orange but Carrie had told Neil it was definitely Tangerine. As he cruised down the long drive at their Tannadice home, he noticed a small fat man weeding furiously in the flower beds. Neil waved but the small fat man appeared to flick a V sign back. Neil was undeterred.

The Forfarshire countryside was in full summer bloom and Neil felt on top of the world. His mind raced back to his glory days at SKYE, his comfy office with the big chair, so big in fact that his feet didn’t reach the floor.
As he dreamed of his playing days while driving, he overshot Dundee by quite a bit and appeared to be in Fife. Realising he was late for work and a meeting with Mr Nelms, he decided to ask for directions and pulled over at a bus stop.

“Can you tell me the way back to the M90 anyone?” he pleaded

Everyone shook their heads – they’d never heard of a motorway in Fife - but a frail old lady caught Neil’s eye. She was well dressed but appeared to be wearing an old Roma top.

She said “Are you Neil McCann?”

Neil beamed with pleasure at the recognition ”Yes, indeed I am madam”

To which she replied “Well I’m Paul Hartley’s mum and you can f uck off out of Kelty”

Neil hit the accelerator, turned up the volume on his Abba CD, whistled along happily and headed back to Dundee.

Coming up in Part 5...........the Nelms meeting takes place and new stadium plans are under discussion..........again........

In light of the many Dees looking in I thought this could do with a run out as a final fitting farewell to the Great Pundit in the Sky.
At the point of writing it he had a 100% record. He still does, just the record now is the worst Dees manager in history, a man with so much punditry knowledge he made them the Worst Team In Europe.

Great job Neil. Enjoy your retirement.