Kempo, those nasty people at Unibet are bullying and frightening me. It takes a man of your unique stamp to help me.

To explain: Unibet bought out Stan James in late February. They retained Stan's green logo but with a slanting U in the middle. When I logged in for my first bet I saw it was a different firm but as the race I wanted was due off I put the bet on.

BUT...no payout as they said they had no record of the bet. After two long chats online they said they'd get back to me by email. They didn't, so more to-ing and fro-ing. 4 days later they emailed me. They said their system had let them down and that YES I had placed the bet after and the winnings were credited to my account.

The next day I had my second bet and that too won. Did they pay me the correct amount of winnings? NO.

Then again the next day's bet won and the same thing happened. Today I was going to have a bet at Wolves and in the evening at Chelmsford. I resisted because...oh no! There's a sinister knock at the door and the sound of a canister of nerve agent being unscrewed. I must go and defend myself with my trusty swordfish trombone, lent to me very kindly by IBS (again no relation). Please Kempo! Recommend a new simple safe online betting firm for laptop bozos like me. Remember, it must be clear and self explanatory. Many thanks in advance.

Oh hell! They're now coming in through the windows!! Hurry master!