Football cliches you hate

[Zippity]

Not on about the lazy lies spewed out by the southern media'mackems about us demanding too much, etc. More on about the nonsense spouted by pundits/commentators/players.

(Reckon we need a more light-hearted thread to go amongst our more pressing concerns).

Always makes me grimace when a player will say of ANY fecking ground ahead of a game 'oh, it's not an easy place to go to and get a result' even if they're talking about a team 3 leagues below them who haven't won at home since before the war!

"We/he/they/I gave 110 %"....not possible. Not at all. You can't give more than your maximum effort, which is 100%. Thick twats.

Any use of 'literally'...the game literally exploded into life. No, it didn't...if it did, exploded into death would be more apt.

The ball literally flew into the net. Again, no. No it didn't. Did it grow a pair of fucking wings and head for the nearest worm?

Your turn...

[Kingstonbob1]

Wow he got some purchase on that shot! WTF

[Cannylad]

Once heard a player say they gave a million per cent, that must mean something surely. Also heard a commentator say, "The ball kareemed off the goal post"

[HughieG]

"Well obviously it was a team performance, obviously delighted to get the win, it was obviously a hard-fought battle, yeah, but like I said the lads were great out there on the pitch, and we're obviously delighted to get the win" said every footballer ever in every post-match interview.

[HughieG]

Also; remember Pardew's "he absolutely rapes him"?

[HughieG]

What I like about Michael Owen as a pundit is that he says what's on everybody's mind:

“Footballers these days often have to use their feet.”

“He’s elbowed him in the head, but there’s nothing in it for me.”

“That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post.”

“Whichever team scores more goals usually wins.”

“That’s a fantastic penalty, but he’ll be gutted it went wide.”

“It’s hit the facial part of his head, there.”

“What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable, but the keeper’s got to do better for me.”

“When they don’t score, they hardly ever win.”

“If there’s a bit of rain about, it makes the surface wet.”

“That shot is impossible. I saw Yaya Toure do it once.”

[Jammy89]

What I like about Michael Owen as a pundit is that he says what's on everybody's mind:

“Footballers these days often have to use their feet.”

“He’s elbowed him in the head, but there’s nothing in it for me.”

“That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post.”

“Whichever team scores more goals usually wins.”

“That’s a fantastic penalty, but he’ll be gutted it went wide.”

“It’s hit the facial part of his head, there.”

“What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable, but the keeper’s got to do better for me.”

“When they don’t score, they hardly ever win.”

“If there’s a bit of rain about, it makes the surface wet.”

“That shot is impossible. I saw Yaya Toure do it once.”

This club has always been close to my heart and i'm ecstatic (insert word of choice to show how happy they are) to be coming here.

[Zippity]

Also; remember Pardew's "he absolutely rapes him"?

[nufcwelsh93]

What I like about Michael Owen as a pundit is that he says what's on everybody's mind:

“Footballers these days often have to use their feet.”

“He’s elbowed him in the head, but there’s nothing in it for me.”

“That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post.”

“Whichever team scores more goals usually wins.”

“That’s a fantastic penalty, but he’ll be gutted it went wide.”

“It’s hit the facial part of his head, there.”

“What a shot! That’s completely unstoppable, but the keeper’s got to do better for me.”

“When they don’t score, they hardly ever win.”

“If there’s a bit of rain about, it makes the surface wet.”

“That shot is impossible. I saw Yaya Toure do it once.”

I love listening to the dribble that comes out of Owens mouth, like do you think before you say?