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Thread: Monday joke

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Posts
    5,123

    Monday joke

    An elderly man and woman lived in the nursing home together. The elderly man liked the elderly woman very much. So one day, he asks if they could sit together outside at the benches. They sat there every day for about 3 weeks.Finally, the elderly man builds up enough nerve to ask the woman if she would hold his pri ck. "All you have to do is hold it, thats all." he said in his old crackling voice. The woman agrees to it. They sat at the benches every day for about 2 more weeks with her holding his pr ick every time. Finally, one day the elderly woman walks outside and hes not at the benches. She gets curious and goes to look for him. She finds him at another bench with another woman.She waits until she sees him later and asks him, "What does she have that I dont?" The elderly man smiles and says, "Parkinsons".

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    20,144
    A man walks into a pub looking sad. The barman asks the man what he wants. The man says “Oh just a pint”. The barman asks the man “Whats wrong,why are you so down today?”. The man said “My wife and i got into a fight,and she said she would’nt talk to me for a month”. The bartender said “So whats wrong with that”? The man said “Well the month is up tonight”.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Posts
    20,144
    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said "How about 50 quid?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the £50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2016
    Posts
    1,557
    My mate is so fat if he fell down he'd rock himself to sleep trying to get up again.

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