Reply With QuoteWent to see a Faith Healer last night ….he was so bad even the guy in the wheelchair got up and walked out.
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A family is having dinner at the table one evening when the son asks the father, “Dad, how many different kinds of boobs are there?”
The father is a little taken aback, but he ponders for a moment before answering, “Well my son, a woman goes through three phases in life. In her 20s, her breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they become like pears – still nice but hanging a bit. But after 50, her breasts become like onions.”
The son is confused and asks, “Onions?”
The father replies, “Yes – you see them and they make you cry.”
The wife and daughter are really annoyed by what their father has said, so the daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of *****es are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well honey, a man also goes through three phases in life too. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty, strong and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it becomes more like a birch – flexible but reliable. But after 50, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
The daughter laughs and asks, “A Christmas tree?”
The mother replies, “Yes, dear. Dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
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Went to see a Faith Healer last night ….he was so bad even the guy in the wheelchair got up and walked out.
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It was funnier first time aroundOriginally Posted by bogsdollox
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A wife says to her husband 'you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back' 'what do you expect' he says 'you're in a ****ing wheelchair'
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A worker at the nestlè factory was crushed when a case full of chocolate fell 20 feet off a storage rack.
He called for help repeatedly, but every time he shouted 'The milky bars are on me' his workmates just cheered.
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My Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!" Which unfortunately cost her 12 points and a bonus chance.
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An oldie but a goodie
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I went hiking with my girlfriend at the weekend when suddenly this huge brown bear came charging at us.
It was really mad. We must have come close to her cubs and she was protecting them, or something.
Luckily, I had my gun with me.
One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
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A girl came home from a date. Her mother had waited up for her, and when the girl walked in the door, the mother noticed she had rice in her hair. “Sally,” she said, “you didn’t tell me you were going to a wedding.” “I didn’t mom,” Sally replied.
“I was giving a bl@wjob to a Chinese guy and he threw up on me.”
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Us oldies know all the best ones eh Brin
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