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Thread: New Neighbours

  1. #1

    New Neighbours

    Time for a joke.

    I've got new neighbours across the road from me a couple of lesbian girls. Only been there a few weeks but have already made a sex video. They just don't know it yet.

  2. #2
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    Can you give me their address?

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9goals2hattricks3pen View Post
    Time for a joke.

    I've got new neighbours across the road from me a couple of lesbian girls. Only been there a few weeks but have already made a sex video. They just don't know it yet.
    How very accommodating of them to have left their curtains open for you 😊 .

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9goals2hattricks3pen View Post
    Time for a joke.

    I've got new neighbours across the road from me a couple of lesbian girls. Only been there a few weeks but have already made a sex video. They just don't know it yet.
    Would hardly be lesbian blokes would they?...

  5. #5
    They also bought me a nice new Timex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood what I meant when they asked "What do you want for a present?" and I said "I wanna watch"

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9goals2hattricks3pen View Post
    They also bought me a nice new Timex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood what I meant when they asked "What do you want for a present?" and I said "I wanna watch"
    Back in my 20’s I was s h a g g I n g this girl in my bedroom and heard a noise from outside.

    My brother and a mate were up a ladder and had tweaked the curtains so they could watch!

    Better than contraception!

  7. #7
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    A bloke goes into a pub with a crocodile.

    The barman tells him to take it out.

    “It’s special and it does an amazing trick” says the bloke.

    “Let’s see it then” says the barman.

    The bloke gets out his c o c k,puts it in the crocs mouth and then smashes the croc across the back of its head with a baseball bat.

    The croc doesn’t flinch.....the bloke retrieved his cock and looks pleased with himself.

    He asks the pub crowd.......”does anyone else fancy giving it a go?

    An old woman in the crowd shouts out.....”yeah...I’ll give it a go....as long as you promise not to hit me as hard with that baseball bat!!

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by goodlordmurphy View Post
    Would hardly be lesbian blokes would they?...
    Hey, nowadays you never know mate. Anythings possible!!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by 9goals2hattricks3pen View Post
    Time for a joke.

    I've got new neighbours across the road from me a couple of lesbian girls. Only been there a few weeks but have already made a sex video. They just don't know it yet.
    Can you steal the toys? Perhaps someone could throw them at Jenkins as he’s another knob!!! Exploding batteries?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by WOODLANDSWOLF View Post
    Hey, nowadays you never know mate. Anythings possible!!
    Well I must admit I like doing the things they do WOODLANDS....

  11. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by goodlordmurphy View Post
    Would hardly be lesbian blokes would they?...
    but they could have been lesbian women and in my febrile imagination they are definitely girls (think of barely legal age)

    Didn't need curtains open as room was fully miked and cameras set up at time of renovation.

  12. #12
    and talking of videos.

    I was watching tele last night when the wife come and tapped me on the shoulder and said "I'm really in the mood for it tonight. Come to bed now"

    I said "No it's OK I'm watching Match of the Day"

    She said "You can record it"

    I said "OK you go and set the camera up in the bedroom I'll be up after the football"

  13. #13
    With all this nice weather I thought it about time a got a new pair of Speedos for the beach. When I looked at shop prices I couldn't justify spending so much on a pair of trunks. So I had a look on line and saw a pair that were so much cheaper they had to be imitation but I thought they still looked good.
    They duly arrived a pair of shiny black trunks with SPEEDO in gold lettering on the left leg.
    First chance I got down to the beach and after a quick dip left the sea slowly walking up the beach trying to do my best Daniel Craig impression. I began to notice mothers grabbing their kids and dads shouting angrily at me. The further I went up the beach the more abuse I got.
    The wife saw me, rushed towards me with a towel and screamed "Quick cover up"
    I looked down to see what all the fuss was about and only then realised the S had fallen off.

  14. #14
    Young lady starts a new job in a large office. On her first day she is being introduced to her new colleagues when this guy gets very close to her, takes in a deep breath and says "Your hair smells lovely"
    She is a bit taken aback by this this but for one day it's OK
    Next day before she can get to her desk this same guy gets very close takes in a deep breath and says "The smell of your hair is truly wonderful." This really takes her aback but decides as the new girl not to make a fuss.
    However when on her third day the same guy gets very close again and says "Your hair has a lovely aroma" she thinks this is too much and goes to HR.
    She finds the manager and explains what has happened.
    He says "I don't think you should be too concerned by this treat it as a compliment. And may I say you do have a very nice head of hair"
    "I don't think you properly comprehend the situation" says the young lady. "This guy is a midget"

  15. #15
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    She should be thankful for small Murphy's...

  16. #16
    Last weekend's results from France in the Musketeers division

    P.S.G. 4-1 Lyon
    Marseille 4-1 Reims
    Bordeuax 4-1 Monaco
    Montpellier 4-1 Rennes
    Nantes 4-1 Toulouse
    Angers 4-4 St Etienne

  17. #17
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    True story.

    I moved house 18 months ago mainly because the neighbours on both sides were t w a t s.

    The couple who bought my house are now up for sale.

    I played a blinder there when asked .....”how do you find the neighbours”.

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by mickd1961 View Post
    True story.

    I moved house 18 months ago mainly because the neighbours on both sides were t w a t s.

    The couple who bought my house are now up for sale.

    I played a blinder there when asked .....”how do you find the neighbours”.
    My experience is very different.

    My next door neighbour has a green triangular house. My other neighbour has a yellow rectangular house and across the road they have an orange octangonal house. I live in a Quality Street.

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