I've got 34 pages of a Word document filled with quotes, his first 2 from 2010;
WALTER_SOBCHAK – 18 Jan (Judith Ralston)
So that's why she disna want tae be ma pal on facebook!
Ah dinna ken why, but ah have a serious thing for Judith. Ah'd neck wi' her fadge fir hoors, even if it wis like lickin' a 9 volt battery (which ah suspect it may be, though it'll be immaculately trimmed, like the late Percy Thrower's lawn). They glesses dae it fir ma a'na, she wid need yins wi' windscreen wipers fin ah'd finished wi' her.
It wid look like a refugee had chowed ootay her erse tae escape. Which, in a way, wid be true. Ma basement wis made fir this quine, ah like her sae much, ah'd even pit a towel doon on the flair fir winter.
Ah'd even abduct her girlfriend, if that wis fit she wanted. It wid be like twa kittens lappin' up some decidely lumpy condensed milk. She'd sook like a hoover, and ah'd be happy tae change her bag fin ah wis finished.
Fu(k, ah'm up and twitchin' a'ready. Four cocks ootay five.
WALTER_SOBCHAK – 22 Jan (Annabell Tiffin)
Well... ah widna share ma ching wi' her... Ah'm now thinkin' aboot penetrating Daniella Westbrook's, nose, for some strange reason!
Ithir wise, thir are, yince agin', some affa fussy loons on this site. The big neb means she wid be able tae sook yir slag-bat fir as long as wis required, getting up only tae pit ice in her mooth.
Yince tired o' cleaning her teeth, ah'd happily part the beef curtains and, withdrawing well before last orders at the pink bar, it's straight up the back and finish in the barking spider.
Ah think ah like this quine and, though ah suspect she may have a fud like a potter's wheel, it's three cocks ootay five fae Walter.
"though ah suspect she may have a fud like a potter's wheel"
Reading the Scottish Cup thread about the missing threads and I searched for this as it deserves a bump so anyone who has never experienced the posts of Walter can read.
Well done Mason for saving them and also posting them.
Spoiled only by the inclusion of posts from Devanah Red.
Not even the 6th best troll we've had on this site.
Of course typical of me I could be right up the wrang dreel .Bit like Walter suppose .