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Thread: The sands of Time.......

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    1,458
    I've got no interest in checking my dna,we are all mongrels after all,nobody is going to be 100% English after all of the invasions that England has incured over history,it makes no difference to me if I've got 1% Eskimo in me or 50%,when you have parents that hate you then why be interested in their dna for they are me,tracing a family tree would be great though if there was some scandals to be unearthed but I suspect that I come from a long line of factory or cannon fodder depending on how far back you go,I don't blame you or griff doing it if that's what interests you,it will be interesting to see how much Scot griff is,it's got to be over 20% surely

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    273
    Unless you have mature caring parents, growing up is a ghastly business. The chances of having caring mature parents are as likely as Cambridge United winning the European cup. Hate is a strong word. Ignorant or selfish might be better. I think you are an introvert like me, unless parents ask introverted children their view or wishes, they become wallpaper.

    I am glad I am an introvert, I enjoy my own company. We have a battery that runs down over time. If I am at a family do, or concert, etc, I love it for a while, maybe an hour maybe two, then I need to get away and recharge, that may take a day, a week or two months. I like being alone. I am overwhelmed in city centres. The noise, lights, movements of cars, people, their expressions, the temperature, enclosed spaces....I notice everything. The introverts challenge, as a child its almost impossible, is to get yourself heard.

    To get yourself heard, as a child or adult is to make yourself heard, even at your age. My type of introversion means that when I get going I can do what I want, usually with style and flourish, for a while I become extrovert, its about getting out of first gear. Martin Luther King was my type, and for a while become eloquent. Hitler was my type, for a while he would stumble and mumble during speeches, then let rip.

    Take control Chalky, forget the past, leave it behind, put yourself first. You mention cannon fodder, you are a king, the apex of creation, you are a little bit of god.

    Time to start believing it.

    Jason of the Argonauts.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    1,458
    I would say that hate is a pretty apt word for their feelings towards me,I was never loved as a child but my four sisters was,I left home at 16 as soon as I got a job and in that 40 years since then I have only been back twice despite the fact that they live only a five minute walk away,both times we just sat there in an awkward silence wishing that I hadn't bothered,the thing is I don't understand what I've done wrong,maybe one of them will mention it on their deathbed who knows,it's just a pity that I won't be there to hear it
    I've been married twice and I've no kids,being a parent has always scared me because of the fear that I wouldn't be a good enough dad and not put the work into parenthood,to be rejected by both your parents and children was something that would be too much to bear so I didn't take any chances,I sit by the Trent regularly with coco to ease the boredom of him sitting in his cage and I watch the passing parents with their young kids and I envy them as they feed the swans and laugh together as a family,I've missed out on the best things in life and that was through choice,life is strange Frank
    Last edited by cocopops61; 16-11-2019 at 01:09 PM.

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Feb 2019
    Posts
    273
    You have my admiration Chalky, I left home at 18, and that was tough. Well done. What you have written is classic scapegoating. The problems of the family are blamed on one person, you, so everyone else can feel ok.

    Subconsciously, the scapegoat accepts the role, because they realise it keeps the family from tearing itself apart. There is nothing wrong with you, in fact you are stronger and more caring than the rest. Not only that, you started batting for yourself at 16. Some scapegoats never escape. In fact most don't.

    There will be a dominant parent who will dictate how the family is run, I suspect one of your parents did care but was forbidden to show it. The reason you were fed to the dogs is that the submissive parent thought the relationship was kept alive by obedience. The dominant parent will have allies amongst your sisters. The submissive parent was right in their assumption. Psychos end relationships when people rebel from their evil influence.

    You haven't done anything wrong, you have sacrificed your well being for the good of the family. You have carried a wound all these years for no reason, and have not had children on the strength of that.

    Don't take my word for it, read around family therapy, and find yourself in there, and your role in the family. Liberate yourself from self blame, its never too late. Silvio Rachmaninov. p.s, read around personality disorders, we all have a bit, some more than most. The damage they cause is incalculable, and they do it for the pleasure it gives. Especially as a parent.

    Children are by definition helpless. There is no defence, even from the other parent.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    1,458
    That's strange Frank,I usually think that you talk a lot of gobbledygook but on the dominate parent you have it spot on,it was my mother who ruled the roost in our family,my dad was a big man in stature but very weak in other respects,the last time that I went to visit them was them about ten years ago I couldn't bring myself to call them mum or dad,it just didn't seem right and found myself wanting to call them by their christian names instead,fortunately the meeting lasted less than ten minutes as I couldn't wait to get out so I ended up not having to reference them by neither their names nor mum or dad,they looked old and had shrunk in size unless it's my memory playing up,it was like meeting somebody that you vaguely remember from the past who you was scared of but now there they are in front of you weak and old,I felt sorry for them for some strange reason,they can't have been really bad parents all of the time as my sister's visit them regularly and think that it's me who fallen out with them but they are all younger than me so they wouldn't remember I suppose

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