O/T jokes

[UlleyMiller]

Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls. After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee. They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realise they have nothing to wipe themselves with. So one uses her underwear and the other grabs a wreath and uses that. Next day their husbands are talking on the phone, voicing their concerns.
"I'm not happy...", says one husband, "...she came home with no underwear on!"
"I hear you" replies the second husband in a sad voice. "But if you think that's bad, my wife had a card stuck in the crack of her backside saying, "From all the guys at the fire station, we will all miss you!"

[Tinribs]

I’m not saying my wife’s ugly but …. Sorry I better leave that one
I couldn’t understand why my boomerang was getting bigger
Then it hit me

[Stovicmiller]

Prob wasn't helped by people on the thread early doors saying that they don't like a whole race of peoople on a public forum. Always likely to draw a response, as it's aired on a public forum. Fair enough to say this kind of stuff to like minded friends and family who won't be offended but saying it in public is always likely to go this way.

Personally I just think it's like my mum's logged in and venting her spleen on races she doesn't like. Ignore it in much the same way.

it’s not helped either by you keeping the discussion going .

[KerrAvon]

it’s not helped either by you keeping the discussion going .

Best joke of the thread if you appreciate a bit of irony.

[Brin]

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off!



What do you get when you mix human DNA and goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.


What did Cinderella do when she reached the ball?

She gagged.



What do tofu and a vibrator have in common?

They are both meat substitutes.



What did the guy say when he got caught playing with himself to an optical illusion?

It’s not what it looks like!


What did the banana say to the vibrator?

Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat me!


What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?

About three inches.


What is the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

The taste!


What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that little thing?

[Brin]

What did the snail who was riding on the turtle's back say? Wheeeee!


I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.

[Stovicmiller]

Best joke of the thread if you appreciate a bit of irony.

. So what are you today, gentlemen farmer , barrister, doctor? I know what you are, you’re a bull****ter.