Jokes!

[ozfan]

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie, he decides to test it at dinner.

He asks his son, "Son, where were you today during school hours?" "At school." The robot slaps the son.

"Okay, I went to the movies!" The father asks, "Which one?" "Harry Potter." The robot slaps the son again.

"Okay, I was watching ****!" The father replies, "What? When I was your age I didn't even know what **** was!" The robot slaps the father.

The mom chimes in, "Haha! After all, he is your son!" The robot slaps the mother.

What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

Snowballs.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was outstanding in his field.

What do quantum whales eat?

Planckton.

It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

A week after Mozart died, his ghost was discovered trying to erase his music. When asked why, it said "I'm decomposing."

[MissWinnie]

XD :D

A very sparkling :star: for the giggles, Mr O!

[yubbywelch]

What is the favorite book of the bible for a Kiwi?

Hey brews

[ozfan]

Ohhh religious jokes.

esus and Moses are playing a pro-am at Pebble Beach with Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, when they get to #8, a par 4 dogleg right. The pros hit 300 yard drives into the approach, taking the water out of play, but Jesus and Moses hit tee shots that leave them on the right edge of the fairway, about two hundred from the green, over the ocean.

They get to their balls and Moses says, "I'm not that good, I'm going to lay up to the left." So, he takes out his pitching wedge and hits a nice shot into the fairway, leaving him about 100 yards from the green.

Jesus says, "I'm going for it." and pulls out his 7 iron.

Moses says, "What are you doing, that's two hundred yards! You should use your 3 iron!"

Jesus says, "Hey, Arnold Palmer hits his 7 iron two hundred yards!" He lines up and takes the shot, which is perfectly on line but lands in the water short of the green.

Jesus raises his hand, and his ball floats to the top, bobbing on the waves. He grabs his gap wedg