At Home with the McCanns - Part 3

[stokearab]

The interview with Neil after the Ross County draw had been a tetchy affair, but today saw him in more relaxed mood – at least to begin with. With a tricky away SPL cup tie at Hamilton upcoming on the Saturday I waited in the kitchen for Neil to appear, and wondered what mood I would find him in. Carrie was already in the kitchen, knitting furiously, reading the Courier and eating breakfast. Women can do all of these things at once. She had borrowed Neil’s Roma top and despite the stains it fitted her well and it was clear to see why Johann Midick had made her the first Carrie Midick.

Wagner the dog was for once quiet in his basket, but as soon as Neil appeared Wagner started shagging his leg. “Down Wagner” screamed Neil. “Carrie, this dog’s got to go!”

Carrie looked across at Neil and calmly disagreed. “He’s going nowhere Neil, I like Wagner and he’s staying”. While she was on her highhorse Carrie continued “Oh and something else Neil, I’ve taken on a gardener, and about time” Neil helped himself to some bacon and eggs before agreeing with Carrie “I’m glad you booked a gardener Carrie, that garden is getting out of hand, it’s like a jungle out there”

Carrie groaned and replied “I’ve not booked one Neil, I’ve taken one on full time”
“Good” Neil replied “Tell him to get rid of that shopping trolley as well, it’s getting overgrown with weeds up the side of the shed there”

Carrie liked the shopping trolley so much she had brought it all the way from Tesco in Broughty Ferry, but she wasn’t about to tell Neil it was staying along with Wagner.
Neil looked up from his breakfast with a frown and said “Carrie, have you changed the bacon we’re getting, this is fatty” Carrie sighed and said “Actually yes Neil, it’s new. I think it’s Danish, could be Swedish maybe. It says on the packet it’s from Tromso ”

Neil pushed his plate aside and thought about this for a moment. “Tromso’s not In Denmark” he replied

“Is that right Mr Bloody Bacon Expert” came Carries reply “How do you know? It could be for all you know” Neil frowned .

“Carrie, I know it’s not in Denmark, or Sweden, I made a video about Moussa playing there and it was all wrong, a complete nightmare because it’s in Norway and it’s all over the internet now”

“Serves you right pal” said Carrie with that loving knife twist of a long suffering wife.

Neil decided on some fresh air before the drive from Tannadice to Dens. He headed for the garden and a seat on his bench – Neil’s favourite place before work. He’d paid £400 for it at Dobbies in Monifieth the previous month. But he wasn’t happy when he saw a scruffy little fat man lounging on it, swigging from a can of Stella and reading the Daily Record. As he got closer he could see it was none other than Paul Hartley.

Neil’s rage boiled over “I told you Hartley, stop coming round here, now I don’t know how you got in, but f uck off out of here!”

Hartley turned a page without looking up and said “No can do Neil, I’m your new gardener”





Coming soon in part 4...............Neil gets lost in Fife and Nelms has a proposition

[utd4me]

tips from the wee tinky on gardening or anything else thet have in common ;D

[GUNBOAT]

Its getting better Stokie boy and you are gonna have load's and load's of material to work with until the pundit gets punted.

[Greetin in Bed]

The interview with Neil after the Ross County draw had been a tetchy affair, but today saw him in more relaxed mood – at least to begin with. With a tricky away SPL cup tie at Hamilton upcoming on the Saturday I waited in the kitchen for Neil to appear, and wondered what mood I would find him in. Carrie was already in the kitchen, knitting furiously, reading the Courier and eating breakfast. Women can do all of these things at once. She had borrowed Neil’s Roma top and despite the stains it fitted her well and it was clear to see why Johann Midick had made her the first Carrie Midick.

Wagner the dog was for once quiet in his basket, but as soon as Neil appeared Wagner started shagging his leg. “Down Wagner” screamed Neil. “Carrie, this dog’s got to go!”

Carrie looked across at Neil and calmly disagreed. “He’s going nowhere Neil, I like Wagner and he’s staying”. While she was on her highhorse Carrie continued “Oh and something else Neil, I’ve taken on a gardener, and about time” Neil helped himself to some bacon and eggs before agreeing with Carrie “I’m glad you booked a gardener Carrie, that garden is getting out of hand, it’s like a jungle out there”

Carrie groaned and replied “I’ve not booked one Neil, I’ve taken one on full time”
“Good” Neil replied “Tell him to get rid of that shopping trolley as well, it’s getting overgrown with weeds up the side of the shed there”

Carrie liked the shopping trolley so much she had brought it all the way from Tesco in Broughty Ferry, but she wasn’t about to tell Neil it was staying along with Wagner.
Neil looked up from his breakfast with a frown and said “Carrie, have you changed the bacon we’re getting, this is fatty” Carrie sighed and said “Actually yes Neil, it’s new. I think it’s Danish, could be Swedish maybe. It says on the packet it’s from Tromso ”

Neil pushed his plate aside and thought about this for a moment. “Tromso’s not In Denmark” he replied

“Is that right Mr Bloody Bacon Expert” came Carries reply “How do you know? It could be for all you know” Neil frowned .

“Carrie, I know it’s not in Denmark, or Sweden, I made a video about Moussa playing there and it was all wrong, a complete nightmare because it’s in Norway and it’s all over the internet now”

“Serves you right pal” said Carrie with that loving knife twist of a long suffering wife.

Neil decided on some fresh air before the drive from Tannadice to Dens. He headed for the garden and a seat on his bench – Neil’s favourite place before work. He’d paid £400 for it at Dobbies in Monifieth the previous month. But he wasn’t happy when he saw a scruffy little fat man lounging on it, swigging from a can of Stella and reading the Daily Record. As he got closer he could see it was none other than Paul Hartley.

Neil’s rage boiled over “I told you Hartley, stop coming round here, now I don’t know how you got in, but f uck off out of here!”

Hartley turned a page without looking up and said “No can do Neil, I’m your new gardener”





Coming soon in part 4...............Neil gets lost in Fife and Nelms has a proposition

No more please Stoke.Its much too funny.:D
My sides are aching.
You're an affy lad Stoke.A bunch of laughs :D

[stokearab]

No more please Stoke.Its much too funny.:D
My sides are aching.
You're an affy lad Stoke.A bunch of laughs :D

Hiya John. Glad you like them. Just at Neil's now getting the next interview 😆

[Greetin in Bed]

Hiya John. Glad you like them. Just at Neil's now getting the next interview 😆
I believe that you are writing a book about too soon to be serialised in 'The Times 'literary columns.?
I believe too that you are launching your razor sharp witted novel with a signing session.?
I would advise all those with heart problems to tell their doctor if you're planning to go as he might suggest that it's a risk too far to be subjected to Stoke wit and humour.
I certainly won't go alone lest I find myself falling about in the Isles at the knockout lines stoke delivers.
Not for the weak of heart or the feeble minded .
What a lad you are stoke.
A living legend on these boards.
What do you think gunboat.?
Isnt stoke just the funniest thing ever to tread these boards.?
(Can't wait for the next embarrassing chapter.)

[Charlie arab]

Still no answered Japan Arabs question Greeting pus? You've had plenty time to think about it

[stokearab]

I believe that you are writing a book about too soon to be serialised in 'The Times 'literary columns.?
I believe too that you are launching your razor sharp witted novel with a signing session.?
I would advise all those with heart problems to tell their doctor if you're planning to go as he might suggest that it's a risk too far to be subjected to Stoke wit and humour.
I certainly won't go alone lest I find myself falling about in the Isles at the knockout lines stoke delivers.
Not for the weak of heart or the feeble minded .
What a lad you are stoke.
A living legend on these boards.
What do you think gunboat.?
Isnt stoke just the funniest thing ever to tread these boards.?
(Can't wait for the next embarrassing chapter.)

Good to see its having the desired effect John. Not obsessed are you 😆😆 but cannae stay off our board for long. Why not get it over with and just join us?
Was it better than your paramilitary rant then? That would be hard to top right enough 😕

[Greetin in Bed]

Still no answered Japan Arabs question Greeting pus? You've had plenty time to think about it

How can I answer a question if I'm not allowed to post charlie?
Answer that question charlie.
What was the question that's got you ah worked Up?

[stokearab]

How can I answer a question if I'm not allowed to post charlie?
Answer that question charlie.
What was the question that's got you ah worked Up?

Fun logic 😆

[utd4me]

I'm amazed that you are able to recognise wit Greetin'. Well maybe I'll give you credit for getting half of it.
And if you are going to fall about, could you do it in the aisles rather than the Isles please, thank you.

[Charlie arab]

'Ah worked up'?
His question was what was your happiest moment as a Dee? And nae kidding on your no a trophy virgin

[Greetin in Bed]

Good to see its having the desired effect John. Not obsessed are you 😆😆 but cannae stay off our board for long. Why not get it over with and just join us?
Was it better than your paramilitary rant then? That would be hard to top right enough 😕
Chapter 4.Stoke gets to work on a cringworthy illiterate tale.
"Well lads it's not the brightest Stoke here again sharing my razor sharp witt and literary skills with you all.Did I mention my book launch is Pending? Well you are all cordially invited to attend .First edition signings will be a collectors item so get your orders in today and don't be disappointed like Neil McCann. Hey that was me cracking one of my famous 'Stoke smashes'. Oh I am a topper eh.My wife calls me stoke the pokey.Ho ho.Another joke lads.
Let's get back on topic.
Yes it was a real hammering that we took at Dens Yes we cried a Smedum tear for days afterwards but hey we beat Q.O.S. and we are top of the league in the CHAMPIONSHIP.Still doon I grant you but on course as we approach the finishing line.Just 34 more games to go.
Must go to bed.
Night all"
Signed
Stokey pokey.

[Greetin in Bed]

I'm amazed that you are able to recognise wit Greetin'. Well maybe I'll give you credit for getting half of it.
And if you are going to fall about, could you do it in the aisles rather than the Isles please, thank you.
A tester for Stoke that he missed.

[Greetin in Bed]

'Ah worked up'?
His question was what was your happiest moment as a Dee? And nae kidding on your no a trophy virgin
The DOON DERBY was great charlie.
You must have fair enjoyed that too.?
But it's a life experience supporting dundee fc..
Its not like supporting the shyte that you follow.
No heart and soul.
DFC are a real football
experience

[Charlie arab]

Nah didn't enjoy that game but fair enjoyed a few other games at dens , 14th may 1983 being top of the list

[utd4me]

"Must go to bed 'Night all" (Greetin').


Good night. Always good when the kids go to bed isn't it?

Right, time for the adults to talk now.

[shedka]

Its not like supporting the shyte that you follow.
No heart and soul.
DFC are a real football
experience


Keep deeluding yourself about that trophy virgin, it's not reality


This is though...

All that elation on Wednesday as they are so obsessed with beating Utd that even a narrow win when we are in the second tier with our best players not match sharp sees their team proclaimed as heroes by them and the local media

Crowd - 1,600 - only turn up to derbies
Accies 3-0 - 7-0 over two recent visits now
Points 0 - bottom
Last 14 league games - W2 1D L11
Last beat a fellow top flight side - April
Last major final - may 2003
Last major semi final - april 2006
Last top 4 finish - 1962
Last win at Tannadice - aug 2004

[Greetin in Bed]

Nah didn't enjoy that game but fair enjoyed a few other games at dens , 14th may 1983 being top of the list
Uniteds day in the sun.Seems a distant memory.I bet you tell that story to your great great grand children charlie.A long long time ago."Once upon a time "Etc
You know charlie united won that title 21 years after Dundees Muirton triumph.
Its now 34 years ago that you won that title.A distant memory.
What isn't a distant memory is the message given on the field last Wednesday.
Dundee are miles ahead of united. Dundee are the superior team and long may it last.

[Greetin in Bed]

Keep deeluding yourself about that trophy virgin, it's not reality.This is though...
You're just upset because Dundee gave United tanking.
You are a bad loser shedka.
When my team gets a hammering I don't get angry at teasers.
No.
I wait until times like these and I rub it in to people like you.
'You Boyz took one he'll of a beating..One heeeeeeeeellllll of a beating. '
A real doing shedka.
A HAMMERING
Got that shedka or should I spell it out Again?

[utd4me]

Oh, I see the bairn has crept down the stairs. Back to bed with you, there's a good boy.

[stokearab]

You're just upset because Dundee gave United tanking.
You are a bad loser shedka.
When my team gets a hammering I don't get angry at teasers.
No.
I wait until times like these and I rub it in to people like you.
'You Boyz took one he'll of a beating..One heeeeeeeeellllll of a beating. '
A real doing shedka.
A HAMMERING
Got that shedka or should I spell it out Again?

Think you're away to burst a blood vessel pal 😆😆😆😆

[stokearab]

6(SIX)-2
That's a hammering. 2-1 aye right enough.

[shedka]

Keep deeluding yourself about that trophy virgin, it's not reality


This is though...


All that elation on Wednesday as they are so obsessed with beating Utd that even a narrow win when we are in the second tier with our best players not match sharp sees their team proclaimed as heroes by them and the local media

Crowd - 1,600 - only turn up to derbies
Accies 3-0 - 7-0 over two recent visits now
Points 0 - bottom
Last 14 league games - W2 1D L11
Last beat a fellow top flight side - April
Last major final - may 2003
Last major semi final - april 2006
Last top 4 finish - 1962
Last win at Tannadice - aug 2004


I'd have taken 6 pts over any different outcome on Wednesday, last two Saturday's results have been extra pleasing 👌👌👌

[Charlie arab]

And it's caused you 34 years of pain that's still apparent today😊
Where do you think both clubs will finish this season?

[Greetin in Bed]

Keep deeluding yourself about that trophy virgin, it's not realityThis is though...
I'd have taken 6 pts over any different outcome on Wednesday, last two Saturday's results have been extra pleasing 👌👌👌

A Hammering.Loved it.
You won't forget that HAMMERING for a long time

[Greetin in Bed]

And it's caused you 34 years of pain that's still apparent today😊
Where do you think both clubs will finish this season?
Charlie.Its early doors but when the dust settles I expect Dundee to be mid table.
Its a really good spl this time around but I think Dundee will do ok.
I think United are better than last year but as you saw they are very small and that might be their undoing.I think falkirk and St mirren are better equipped to win that league.
Just my expert assessment charlie.

[utd4me]

A Hammering.Loved it.
You won't forget that HAMMERING for a long time

You must go through a keyboard every week. I think your medication might need increased Greetin'.

[shedka]

A Hammering.Loved it.
You won't forget that HAMMERING for a long time


Really? Hahaha what a clown

You keep making a fool of yourself with every post, you scraped a win against a second tier Utd side nowhere near upto speed and with Toshney at right back, after losing to us the week before and scraping by Raith and Buckie, now losing back to back league games against County and Accies - a relatively easy start - to continue the poor form from last season

Comeback when DFC do something of note like many other smaller clubs (even smaller than the fun) manage, or even consistently finish in a good league position, until then you have nothing

p.s. 6-2 😊😊😊😊😊😊

[JamesMcClean]

A Hammering.Loved it.
You won't forget that HAMMERING for a long time

Must have missed that. What hammering was this like?

[shedboy71]

Must have missed that. What hammering was this like?

its the corners its the corners .....

OA ban him for life boy is a clown

[_JohnGotti_]

Good to see its having the desired effect John. Not obsessed are you 😆😆 but cannae stay off our board for long. Why not get it over with and just join us?
Was it better than your paramilitary rant then? That would be hard to top right enough 😕

Just been told by someone I had been posting on here.
Just to confirm I haven't posted anything for weeks as have been busy
Had a few hours spare yesterday and today and looked on here, I'm afraid a lot of you are wrong again, for instance I only usually post when my team is mentioned and keep away from all yer serious DAB ones which I see this user hasn't done.
I'm sure one of the mods could check ips to confirm, ATM I'm travelling between Koln and Heidelberg last day or so
While I'm here surprised to see Angus with his impressive stat work he has done in the past and note that the Dabs beat Dundee, now Angus I suggest you read up on the rules in that game.
You won the penalties you didn't win on penalties
Simple really
So anyway I only post under this name

[TerryTheTerror]

While I'm here surprised to see Angus with his impressive stat work he has done in the past and note that the Dabs beat Dundee, now Angus I suggest you read up on the rules in that game.
You won the penalties you didn't win on penalties
Simple really

Have a look at the table for the league cup group we were both in, the table doesn't lie* as it'll show you United beat Dundee as we got more points. :)

* Unless you support the fun.