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...for our royal visit then? It's nice of you to agree to host our game against Notts County, and I hope you'll all be turning out to enjoy some top class football, though I know it's not what you're used to.
Seriously, thanks to PNE, it's appreciated.
Well done to Preston - credit where it's due
Just a few rules though
1. You will be very excited to see our team arrive. However, please do not attempt to touch the hems of their garments or engage them in conversation. They will not understand you and, note well, it is strictly autographs by post only.
2. After their exertions on your "pitch" our lads will want a bath. Please ensure that all the coal is removed before they arrive.
3. Our supporters will need some simple food to be available for purchase. Please note that the items that you have heretofore understood to be sausages are not, in fact, sausages. They are tubes of minced gristle, sinew and hoof-trimmings. Similarly your pies; that sludge is "meat" removed from animal remains with a hose and is not really for human consumption. Proper sausages and pies may be obtained in advance from any Cumbrian butcher. By the yard.
4. If you decide to put out the red carpet pease note that you should not walk upon it. Clogs tend to cause damage to delicate floor-coverin