Completely made up anecdotes about the time you met the queen

I'll never forget the time one of the queens guards knocked on the door of my campervan early one summers evening whilst I was parked up close to the Balmoral Estate. Her Majesty said in a soft regal tone 'would it be possible if one could use your facilities? It's just I'm at that kind of age you see'

I broke the news that the chemical toilet system was actually full and there was quite simply 'no room at the inn'.

Off she went to find the nearest bush.

The toilet wasn't full, it's just you don't let anyone else use your campervan toilet. Gads!

I once had a pint with her in The Frigate, years ago.
She never stood her hand......."One doesn't carry money".....but she was sound enough.

She nipped in to Kennedys bakery about 1 in the morning around about March 1991, looking for two hot steak pies and half a dozen rowies. She was out for a night in the town with Jojo, before heading back to his/her pied-Ã*-terre in Powis. We had to give her a telling off for swanning into the bakery fag in mouth.

We gave her a free bag o broken biscuits for her Corgis and she seemed very grateful. Funnily enough we had a visit from the food hygiene folk a few days later...