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Parachutist jumps out of a plane at 3,000 feet and his parachute fails to open. He’s hurtling down to the earth & at 500 ft he sees Paddy coming up the other way. As they pass each other heading in opposite directions, the parachutist shouts to Paddy
“ Do you know anything about parachutes?” Paddy responds “No I’m afraid not. Do you know anything about gas ovens?”
Man goes to the doctors and tells the doc “ I’ve got a frog growing out of my ear”. Doc asks him how long it’s been like that.
Frog says “ it started as a boil on my a r s e”
An Abbott is giving advice to some nuns on how to enter heaven without any problems
The main thing is to establish whether you've come into contact with a p3n1s he says
First one says yes but I Touched one by accident when brushing past someone in church and the Abbott says no problem God will forgive thee if you put your affected fingers in the water of the holy font
Second nun says yes but it was only when tending to the animals and I didn't really know what it was at the time . No problem says the Abbot. Put both hands in the holy water .
The third nun decides enough is enough as she is desperate to get into heaven and honesty is the best policy.
She says well if that's what we have to do then Sister Theresa over there should put her bottom in the water and I should gargle with it