Best Edinburgh Fringe Jokes 2017

I haven't managed to get up there this year but it's a fantastic event and a great atmoshere.

Here are this years top 15 jokes.


I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change. Ken Cheng - 33%

Trump’s nothing like Hitler. There’s no way he could write a book. Frankie Boyle – 30%

I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point? Alexei Sayle - 29%

I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her. Lew Fitz - 28%

I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated. Andy Field - 27%

Combine Harvesters. And you’ll have a really big restaurant. Mark Simmons - 27%

I’m rubbish with names. It’s not my fault, it’s a condition. There’s a name for it… Jimeoin - 26%

I have two boys, 5 and 6. We’re no good at naming things in our house. Ed Byrne - 24%

I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine. Olaf Falafel - 24%

Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!' Alasdair Beckett-King - 23%

A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men’s singles event. Angela Barnes - 20%

As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer. Adele Cliff - 20%

For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it. Phil Wang - 20%

I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark. Adam Hess - 18%

I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act. Tim Vine - 18%

Some good stuff at the Festival 59_60

My friend was a Concierge at the Greenwich Millennium Village a few years back, he got a call from one of the residents to pay him a visit, when he got there it was Alexei Sayle who was having trouble with his TV transmission, rather than say he'd ring the TV people my good hearted friend who is good with these sort of things asked him if he would like him to have a look at it and fix it if he could, Sayle said O.K.

My friend spent over 2 hours in his apartment finding the problem, cleaning and re shaping 2 couplings and stripping 4 leads and fixing it, Sayle never said thank you or kiss my @rse, Sayle rang again a few months later saying his sink waste disposal was backed up, he could have fixed that also but instead gave Sayle a Plumbers number, please and thank you cost nothing, I just don't understand folk like this.

So, I went into a new cake shop in town today.

Said to the shop assistant: “ how is it that all those cakes are only 50p each but this one here is £1?

The shop assistant said: “ it’s Madeira cake,”