Unofficial @MotherwellFC squad preview 18/19 season thread:
Just saw this thread on Twitter. Made me laugh, had to share. Thanks Andra.
A thread by Andra @AndyBozzie
Unofficial @MotherwellFC squad preview 18/19 season thread:
1 Trevor Carson - This guy catches baws, not buses up the M74 to sign for Celtic. This season he will concede 3 goals. Best Motherwell goalie ever?
2Richard Tait - His bird cooks meals for folk and he does loads of good football things, nice tattoos and shouldve been called up for Scotland but his accent confused big Eck and he didnt realise he was Scottish!!
3 Steven Hammell - Guys a hero, could open a tin of beans with that left fo..... Just been informed its now Aaron Taylor-Sinclair - He has to be good, hes got 2 last names, thats like 2 extra players. ATS the 3rd & 12th man!!
4 Carl McHugh - Pretended all season he was left footed so that when he finally hit the target with his right it was a belter. Would header his gran but he cuts easily, gave up the armband so he can wear it as a head bandage!!
5 Cedric Kipre - half man half Eddie Stobart lorry, proving that if you eat loads of bread you will grow up to be big and strong. Changed his number to 5 this season in honour of the all the times he was wrongly sent off against Celtic last season
6 Peter Hartley - internet sensation.. Recently took compromising photos of Carl McHugh and threatened to use his internet fame to expose him if he didnt hand over the armband to him. Peter can play piano.
7 Chris Cadden - the better looking twin, recent Scotland caps and one of our own. His clobber is questionable. Odds on favourite for his twin brother to nutmeg him this season. Assist machine!!
8 Allan Campbell - so good that recently a Premier League and World Cup winner was renamed the black Allan Campbell. Another one who had compromising photos of Carl McHugh and stole his number 8 this season, suits him better tbf
9 Curtis Main - when Louis Moult left we were really struggling for a new striker and gaffer Stephen Robinson noticed main outside Skoosh nightclub in Motherwell working as a bouncer, quickly gave him a 18 month deal and it turns out hes alright. 1/2 of the new Mitchell Bros.
10 Phil O'Donnell - Always with us.
11 Elliot Frear - His name rhymes with beer & gear, since the death of the steelworks these are the 2 main industries in Motherwell now and hes fast as ****, likes do wee crosses and do wee assists for the big baldies up front!!
12 Ryan Bowman - will injure you and while you're down he will try and sell you Herbalife. Lady in the sheets but a thug on the street!! The Bowdamager, nae messin!!
13 Rohan Ferguson - we stole him from Airdrie and deprived them of a keeper. One for the future, or now, if its now then Trevor Carson better have a really good excuse for not being here!!
14 Liam Grimshaw - rumour is, hes still running from the last game of last season, never stops!! Deepest Burnley accent in the world, sounds more like a butcher than a footballer!!
15 Andy Rose - the politest and most media trained man in the team, fear were going to lose him in the transfer window to BT Sports!!
16 George Newell - George NoWell after a few too many knocks and bangs last year. Needs a goal, then he will do lots of goals and celebrate like Robbie Keane in the 2002 World Cup, perhaps.
17 Gael Bigiramana - brought to Steve Robinsons attention by god, however not played much despite being the best footballer at the club and almost single-handedly turned around the cup final last season. #FreeBigi
18 Charles Dunne - the man you want your daughter to bring home. The most loving caring human being in the world, driving around in the snow picking up old people and doing donuts with them and listening to Skepta before dropping them off. Fastest man on earth. Peng!!
19 Conor Sammon - 1/2 of the new Mitchell Bros. recommendation by Curtis Main, also signed from the front door of Skoosh, 3 goals so far this season but a dead cert to have the fans on his back if he doesnt score 99999999 in his next 3 games!!
20 Mark Gillespie - quickly quelled rumours that he was in Geordie Shore when he signed, will need to find compromising pics of Trevor Carson if he plans to be number 1 immediately. Has looked good so far!!
22 Liam Donnelly - another Norn Irishman/son of the gaffer, has looked good so far but rumour is he keeps a bottle of tonic in his beard along with this months edition of FHM and a packet of jonnies. Potential Megabar serial shagger
23 Alex Rodriguez Gorrin - the man who ignored us at xmas to sign with some Romanian mob and then we decided to sign him anyway, if this was a bird in this situation she better be a pretty good ride. Same goes for Alex, we hope hes a bloody good ride
24 Danny Johnson - ginger striker, back in his natural habitat of Scotland where there is no sun but loads of ****e keepers for him to score into. Another non-leaguer wanting to pump **** out Scotland, cmon!!
27 Craig Tanner - best footballer in the world. Currently injured but when hes un-injured, were winning the league, sooooo..
u20s - theyre all class too, Turnbull is the man, man!!
Gaffer - will shag yer maw/misses/(legal aged)sister/(legal aged)daughter and win us the treble and theres nothing you can do about it
