I decided to treat myself this summer and buy myself some Speedos. When I looked in the shops I couldn't really afford full price but I found a pair online for a third of the price. When I got them they were obviously a cheap rip off. Black with Speedo in gold letters. Never mind if they only look good for one year so be it.

First time on the beach with em on I rushed into the sea. After a quick dip I was determined to make a slow exit with my best Daniel Craig impression. As I walked up the beach waiting for admiring glances I noticed blokes begining to shout and gesticulate and mothers grabbing their kids. I took a quick look down to see if anything had escaped but all was covered up. The further up the beach I went the worse it got.

Eventually the wife saw me and shouted "quick cover up" and threw me a towel. I took a longer look down and only then did I notice. The S had fallen off my trunks.