I know im fantasising but i have a brain dont i? Yes i do Chalky.

I am imagining getting an invite to a board meeting, i know its done by internet now anyway. Do the club have a boardroom that doesnt contain brooms?

The minutes are a page long, with football matters at the bottom. At the meeting are two women, one looking like a Detroit prostitute, with Holly Willoughbys platinum blonde hair, red lipstick, but without the forty plus clothes.

Instead she has a split skirt and fishnets. I know, a woman at a United board meeting. Amazing.

The other looks like a female Russian weight lifter, 20 stone, wearing spandex. After a grand time, sniffing god knows what, and knocking back vodka like it was water, i meet Ian Darler the groundsman on the way out.

I mention to him that there were two women there, that the club is making progress. He says that the weightlifter was Godric Smith, and the prostitute was Renford Sargeant.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth eh. But full marks for representing a minority, things are getting better. I hope they invite Priti Patel onto the board, we dont want more anti female non sense.

All thats left is to make a public appearence as such, at a game.

There endeth my brief soire into another world. I could go on, like pretending CFU has any relevance at all.

Elspeth, of Regent Street.