Only kidding, im mocking the newsagents in charge, the vacuum cleaner salesmen, the taxi drivers, that when they add up their bank accounts they can afford the 2024 version of Paddy Rayment.

As a critic once said of a new play, " I saw it as a disadvantage,the curtain went up".

This is what United fans have to look forward to, the kick off, with laughter somewhere up in the back of the very small stand.

A sanitary engineer will be needed at various times in the new season.

In the stands and on the pitch.