I have had a lifetime of knowing them, and to be honest, i can describe them as sheep in sheeps clothing. After all, who can stand idly by, doing nothing while Neer do wells take everything this club has to offer, and just leaves the fans standing in the Corona Kop, and in the Habbin. Looking gormless. Like sheep.

But when it comes to money to prevent dissolution, they pay, to do it all again. Even now they pay to ship food around the City, and fund Bingo. Maybe if i look unhappy down in the mouth, and turn my pockets out to show theres nothing in there, they might pay for a couple of litres of Jack Daniels, weekly. Dont bet against how dumb these people are.

I mean standing, like standing upright, in its literal sense. The Newmarket Road end must be the least comfortable, awkward nasty piece of 1930s terracing that has ever been built.

I never felt ok there, the terracing is uneven, the barriers dont seem to fit, the highest terracing is, well, theres something wrong, there is no proper width, it varies.
Leaning on the barriers is wrong, they are to low. The Corona cop is an assault on well being, and im surprised no one has fallen over, badly damaged, to sue the club.

Hang on, United are at home tomorrow, i might go, im due to fall over.
Na, im going to Peterboro Sports v Bromsgrove, Bromsgrove are my second love, Wisbech first.

There is a Cambridge numbness, a stricture of intellect, a straw in the hairness, it must be the remoteness of the fens, an inbred acceptance of everything the upper class has to offer, a sense of worthlessness, amptly personified by Cambridge Fans United.

Spectators is a proper description of Cambridge fans, they spectate while the club burns to the ground in front of them, again and again. United fans are perfect employees, they will do as there told, and will allow myself to attach electrodes to there heads to see if anything is there.

It will be a machine to detect straw, leaves and twigs. The lights will flash alarmingly, and a ticker tape readout will print, " how can so much get in such a small space".

The attraction of United must be the two arms in the air, and bellowing hoorah when the free transfers score, and the high prices of the swill in the tea bars, it must be better than what they get at home.

As for the Habbin, being encased in a tin overcoat is better than working class hovels, with holes in the walls, and eating toast for tea, maybe with a fried egg. Mind you theres two big holes either end of the Habbin, but if your in the middle its ok.

Lou of Fen Ditton.