O/T Friday neet joke thread..lack of humour or easily offended then please don't open

[Brin]

Heh up one and all....it's a New Year and not done this for a while so here goes with a few small jokes.
Feel free to join in and add your own......the more the merrier.


How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.



and did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you got to hand it to her.



Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.


One for the vegan lesbians........What does tofu and a dildo have in common?
They’re both meat substitutes.



What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.


How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.


How is virginity like a soap bubble?
One prick and it is gone.

[Brin]

What's the difference between a woman and a brick?


When you lay a brick, it doesn't follow you around for two weeks ......

[Yak]

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."