The Met Office has today issued an Amber Alert in respect of an area of wind originating in the Midlands but expected to affect all areas of Millersmad for a prolonged period. Posters are warned to expect self-pitying whinges about being bullied, tedious anecdotes about cruise holidays, spurious nonsense about share tipping, bogus claims about educational and professional qualifications and possibly even uploads of obviously faked betting slips.