If you Google Mowbray you get the following: A pork pie is a traditional English meat pie, served either at room temperature or cold. It consists of a filling of roughly chopped pork and pork fat, surrounded by a layer of jellied pork stock in a hot water crust pastry. It is normally eaten as a snack.

Quite fitting then that Anthony Mark Mowbray doesn’t even make it onto the first page of the search but resides just underneath a light adjustable toilet frame with which he shares his name.

It is my belief that both the pork pie and the toilet seat would currently be able to perform just as well as gum chewing Tone when pinning the players to the team sheet whilst bind folded. Who else would play Nolan on the left, Elliot on the right with the instruction of whipping the ball in to Armstrong and Dack. What he has forgotten to mention to Armstrong and Dack is that one had to be on the other’s shoulders in order to gain parallel height with most centre halves in the country.

Sorry to ask Mrs Anuradha Desai however as you are more familiar with headless chickens than any of us, and given your current stock price, I was wondering whether you could put myself, Blackburn, Darwen and the surrounding area out of our misery by putting Old Tone out to pasture.

There’s a guy called Sam Allardyce, who’s doing pretty well at the only club that Old Tone had any success with and I was thinking that he would be the perfect fit for Rovers. Pep is a big fan of Sam’s and Sam also has a 100% success record at international management for what it’s worth.

If you need any help recruiting, then please get in touch with me before inviting Shebby back to the table as when I’m not adding to the profits of Kleenex on a Saturday afternoon I do work as a part-time agent.

I have a couple of recommendations with regard to recouping some of your investment when the transfer window opens again and in no particular order I would value Ben Brereton and Sam Gallagher at £2.50 each but would take £4.00 at a push if they paid for their own parking. Amari’I Bell, I think you should be able to get a new fiver for as he’s not really been around long enough for the entire league to see how he always lets us down. Alternatively I would consider a meat voucher from Hallworth’s.

I would also suggest that someone teachers Adam Armstrong to pass sideways and has quiet word with Bradley Dack about spending less time as a reality TV stooge and getting himself fit.

All in all the future looks bleak, Darwen Moor bleak. Another rebuild is needed however I fear that this time it is on the scale of the 1940’s St. Paul’s Cathedral.

So much damage done by so much incompetence, Keane, Appleton, Bowyer, Lambert, Coyle (unforgivable) and now the guy who ranks below a pork pie and a portable toilet seat.

I know the saying that,it is better to be the head of chicken than the rear end of an ox, but we’re currently both. When I look at the players on the pitch I can’t help thinking that they’d be happy with a DNR badge.

As a younger man I played at Ewood and I have worked at Ewood and I know and I understand, just as most of the fans do, that The Red Rose of Lancashire adorns our shirts in a way that it doesn’t any other.

Which comes first? The chicken or the club?

Where is the Pride? Where is the care? Where is the heart?

Mine for one is broken. Please fix it.