Are you depressed? Including the victims of concentration camps you and they chose the life you are living, many choose too much to get through in one life. You ned to read Raymond Moody and his book life afteer life. There are many good books on the subject.

Just last night i was watching a near death video, the man was a high brow high functioning serously intelligent, doctor in the usa, he drowned, for a moment he felt the horror of dying, a moment, then carried on as usual, consciousness did not stop. He even enjoyed being swept along thinking i should be dying.

He did not want to come back. Think of it like this, that whatever your problems, you are aware, that you could have done better, many dont even have that. Next time it will be better. You cannot die, you are a child of the Universe, it created you, you are a reliant robin, becoming a roller.

I know you will express even more negativity, theres no need, you are part of the whole. You are in a priveleged position, one i wish i was in, that today you can choose what to do, you could get the eurostar and have coffee in Paris if you wanted too, drive up to Scotland and book into a posh hotel, fall in love, play poker in a casino, i cant, my life is not my own.

Book coco into a parrot hotel, catch a plane to the sun, talk to someone, about you, book a therapist, go to confession, thats therapy, go out there and have fun. Now. If you dont do that, get Moodys book. You have eternity to look forward too.