Best football related jokes?

[RamFromCornwall]

Obviously quite a few flying about, pretty much all generic jokes that you just change the club/clubs but I've only just heard this one and to be honest it's pretty good, not sure if anyone else has heard it before but...

There was a black man, a Derby fan and a Forest fan at the hospital, all waiting to become father's for the first time. One by one each baby was born, when the doctor comes out and says to the three men that there was a mix up with tags, and they're going to have to go and try to identify which baby is theirs.

So the Derby fan goes in first, and comes out holding a black baby. The black man says "excuse me, surely that would be my baby?" so the Derby fan replies "oh, I know it's not mine but there's two babies in there, and one of them's a red dog so I'm not taking any ****ing chances!"

Quality

[Manofpride]

A pound coin was thrown onto the pitch at the City Ground. Police are trying to determine whether it was a missile or a takeover bid.

[lewyman633]

I've just hung a forest shirt out on the line to dry and someone's gone and nicked the pegs

[Hintonsboots]

Was having trouble finding the City ground last season and stopped the car to ask for directions. "Just follow the crowds " the helpful woman said, so i ended up in Tesco's car park...It's the way i tell em

[Trickytreesreds]

Teacher to class: "What does your dad do at weekends?".

Little Boy: "He's a dancer in a gay bar and sometimes if the money's right he lets punters bang his **** and cum in his gob".

Teacher takes him outside, "Is that true?".

Little boy: "No miss, it's ********. He plays for Derby County but I'm too embarrassed to say".

[Trickytreesreds]

Derby County FC has fan merchandise that reads "Derby till I die..."
Can constant disappointment actually cause death?

[adm1ra]

This is my favourite:

A man had great tickets for the World Cup Final.

As he sits down, another man enquires if anyone is sitting in the vacant seat next to him.

"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" says the other man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the World Cup Final, the biggest sporting event and not use it?"

"Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm very sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else, a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. "No. They're all at the funeral."

[Elite_Pie]

A Forest fan is on his way to the job centre looking for fag ends in the gutter when he sees an old lamp lying there. He picks it up and gives it a polish. WHOOOOSH, out pops a genie. The genie says "look mate, you're the third person to find this lamp and I've had a really hard day, so I can only grant you one wish". The Forest fan says "I've always wanted to take the kids to Disneyland in Florida, but my wife is afraid of flying. Could you build me a road so I can drive there?" "WHAAAAT???" says the genie. "Do you realise what a massive engineering project that is, sinking foundations in the deepest parts of the Atlantic let alone avoiding all the shipping lanes?" The Forest fan feels a bit guilty so he says "I'm a Forest fan. Could you fix it so we play in the Premiership again?"

The genie looks at him in dismay. "This road" he says. "Do you want single lane or dual carriageway?"

[Rapid]

Leon?



sorry couldn't resist.

[SlimyLimey]

avid Beckham has bought a property adjacent to the City Ground", he plans to build a house where he will spend his retirement years.
When asked, why there? he stated he wanted to get as far away from professional football as possible!