Best football related jokes?

[Trickytreesreds]

My favourite, well the time anyway.

Man U have City in the cup. OH ffs groan the players, what a waste of time.
I could beat them on my own says Keane.

Ok, says Fergie. DONE!

He then takes all his squad to the pub and leaves Keane to it.

3.15 the United players ask for Sky Sports on the telly and the score flashes up.
Man Utd 1 City 0 KEANE 11 mins

Good old Roy, shout the players and get back to the boozing.

At 4.40 the put the telly back on and the score flashes up.

Man Utd 1 City 1 GOATER 84 mins

Jesus Christ, screams Fergie. Right, everyone back on the bus.

The race back to Old Trafford and find Keane in a corner with his head in his hands.

You **** Roy, shout the lads, what happened?

It's not my fault, wails Keane. That ******* sent sent me off in the 12th minute.

[Ramkes]

Stuart Pearce stops at some traffic lights in Nottingham city centre, when there's a tap on his car window.

On opening the window he see's an elderly man on a push bike.

"Your Stuart Pearce aren't you". Yes replies Pearce.

"Your a bloody disgrace, the way you played football, fouling anything that moved, not a good roll model for young fans", said the old man.

The lights change and Pearce drives to the next lights which are on red, looking in his rear view mirror he see's the old man chasing after him. Again there's a tap on his window.

"And missing that penalty in the World Cup, you let everybody in England down".

Again the lights change and Pearce drives to the next lights which are on red, and once more the old guy cycles up to his car window.

"And the way you made money out of our grief by advertising pizza's, your a f*****g w****r".

The lights change once more and Pearce pulls away with the old man in hot pursuit, the next lights are on red, Pearce stops and thinks I've ha

[Eddy Briscoe]

The London Fire Brigade have reported that a fire at a North London football stadium destroyed the first 5 letters of the club's and were mystified when only the letters "a" and "l" remained.

Police suspect A R S E N"...

[roger_ramjet]

A Yorkshireman goes to the vet with his pet Yorkshire Terrier. He goes in to see the vet and explains the problem “Can you have a look at my terrier please, veterinary, he has swallowed a condom and it has got stuck in his throat”.

The vet takes a quick look and explains that it might take a little time to sort the problem out. He asks the Yorkshireman to go back home, and the vet will call him with news and let him know when to come back. The Yorkshireman heads home.

5 minutes later the vet gets a call from the Yorkshireman. “Hey, veterinary, I came in with my dog earlier who had eaten the condom, and you were going to try to sort the problem out". "Yes, but I am still working on it" said the vet. "Well don’t worry, it all OK now – my wife has found another condom in the bedside cabinet” continued the Yorkshireman.

[Oldtimeram]

Obviously quite a few flying about, pretty much all generic jokes that you just change the club/clubs but I've only just heard this one and to be honest it's pretty good, not sure if anyone else has heard it before but...

There was a black man, a Derby fan and a Forest fan at the hospital, all waiting to become father's for the first time. One by one each baby was born, when the doctor comes out and says to the three men that there was a mix up with tags, and they're going to have to go and try to identify which baby is theirs.

So the Derby fan goes in first, and comes out holding a black baby. The black man says "excuse me, surely that would be my baby?" so the Derby fan replies "oh, I know it's not mine but there's two babies in there, and one of them's a red dog so I'm not taking any ****ing chances!"

Quality

Nice one