I bought the wife a pug dog yesterday. Despite the bulging eyes, squashed face, and rolls of fat....

The dog seems to like her.



How do you know when you're in a Jewish household?


There's a fork in the sugar bowl.






I was walking down the road when I saw this Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.


I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"





The Car of the Year for 2017, as voted by Woman magazine is......


A Blue one.






I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day.

Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go.....


Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO!


Honestly, some people are fuqin sick in the head.





Better news for the vicar who's banned the singing of Onward Christian Soldiers on Remembrance Sunday because it might upset Muslims:

The Old Bill have just found his missing spine.



https://twitter.com/AN1MALBIBLE/stat...15936187568129