When I was a youngun I always got the sticker books and made it a point to get all the Newcastle one's by wheeling and dealing, as you do.
Irving Nattrass, David Craig, Tommy Craig, Micky Burns, Tommy Cassidy, Supermac, Mike Mahoney, Willie (iam) Mcfaul, Greame Oates, Alan Kennedy...and so on and so on.

I was obsessed with all things Newcastle as well as going to the match whenever I managed to do everything I could to earn the money...which I always managed....well 90% of the time for home games, including cups.

I was right behind the goal when Ian Rush scored against us for Chester.
I remember some great times from being young and going with bigger lads to going as a bigger lad in the school days.

I made up a card game and a league table and spent hours playing football matches using them. A simple game but enjoyable for a kid.

I'll never forget later on in my school years. I bought a long Newcastle scarf that was half a mile long....actually it wasn't...but I did tie myself up with it and phoned the police to say I'd been robbed of £500 by someone in a red and white striped shirt.
Actually I didn't do that either but I thought I'd add it in to the story.


The scariest time when I was going to the match was when 25 of us got into a transit van and 4 of the lads in it were at least 20 stone apiece and the van was hanging, plus it had 4 baldy tires on it and no handbrake, which we only realised when we got to the tyne bridge and braked to find the footbrake didn't work and the hand brake was deployed which snapped at the same time the back wheel fell off.
We hit the side of the bridge and all of us were catapulted out down towards the drink.

Weirdly we all had our sky diving wing suits on from earlier on as we all sky dived from a small plane, so we all decided to try and get a formation going before we hit the tyne.

Luckily we managed it just in time before we all glided to the waters edge.
It's funny how little things spring to mind.

Anyway we all got a Greggs pasty and a can of coke and went to the game.
We sold the van for scrap on the way back out, to a local scrap dealer then bought more Greggs pasties, plus stottie buns and chips, with a can of fanta each and all still had change for a bottle of brown to finish off with.


The one other time that stands out was not having enough money for a program. I had 24 pence and the program was 25p.
I said to the lad " ahhh mate, any chance you can let me off?"
He said no, so I tore the front off one and threw 17 pence at him and shouted, "have that you filthy animal."

I was arrested for it. I'd been caught by some git who happened to be doing the selfie type commentary of that time using a big 200 weight Russian type only fools and horses video camera.
It went to court and I was done for program damage and abusive language.
I was sentenced to 36 years in a borstal, which I thought was harsh.

I learned a few things in borstal that made me the man I am today.
Never think you're clever ripping programs up because it's just not worth it...unless you've paid for it in full or someone gave you it.

I got an apple and Charlie got something he liked. Rowlllllowlllowlllllll.