BREAKING NEWS. They have just discovered a bad batch of test kits and rubbish use of data has meant Bolton is actually below the UK norm.

The eejits had not deducted from the data the amount of people who had been tested, but came from "out of town".

Remember the dude I mentioned who came with his wife and three kids from Stoke? They are down in the data has living in Bolton.

FFS! Somebody please put this Cabal of Conservative and Unionist Cabinet Minister Cretins out of their misery?