Joke of the day? SWFC?
Joke of the day? SWFC?
Three women die together in a car accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a f***ing duck!"
A guy in a pub gets talking to a blind man about football. " Blind man says get me a football and I will tell you where's it's from.
The guy brings a ball & the blind man shakes it & says it's from Newcastle, I can hear the magpies.
Shocked the guy brings another ball, the blind man shakes it and says this one is from Norwich, I can hear the canaries.
Astounded the guy brings a third and final ball, the blind man shakes it and says this one is definitely from Sheffield Wednesday.
Quick as you like the guy says is that because you can hear the owls. "
The blind man says " NO IT'S GOING DOWN "
I’ve started a new business making prayer mats out of Semtex.
Prophets are going through the roof.
The football league have just announced that all championship games are to be played over a shortened six day week.
As from next season all championship clubs will not be playing Wednesday..😁
What’s the difference between anal and oral s.ex?
Oral s.ex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
How do you make your girlfriend scream during s.ex?
Call and tell her about it.
Why do women have orgasms?
Just another reason to moan, really.
How did it go at the golf course?
“Well, something happened to my balls.”
“How come?”
“I stepped on a rake.”
Doctor Anderson has a bad conscience since he has had s.ex with a patient.
One voice says, follow your desire.
Another voice says, remember that you are a vet.
Little Lucie was getting a visit by her cousin for the first time and when they were gonna go swimming during the night she saw him naked.
“Why do I not have such a thing between my legs?” she asked.
“Have patience!” her mom said.