Uniteds new training ground complex, built with tin sheeting from the Habbin, will hopefully have a tv with a recording of the football league highlights so the coaches can speculate as to what the dickens is going on.

Judging by the defeat by SUTTON, where the ell is that? they will do so and at the same time drink schnapps, dance with Derek dressed as a USAF pilot, used to be called Loise, and Beth, dressed as Dylan from the magic roundabout, and used to be called Robert.

Any deviants, im mean deviation from their names will be met by a psychotic rage.

I miss Dylan and the magic roundabout, 5 to six every weekday, the first BBC attempt to convey the usefullness of drug taking, that went into a number of other programmes like Dr Who.

Dylan is a good role model for United, and the magic roundabout theme should be played pre kickoff. As United stayed up last year, i wonder what chemicals went into team talks and the half time tea.

Whatever it was, it was top dosage.` A good chemist beats a good player, look at Navratilova, she used to be petite at 18.

Zebedee was a good bloke, doing good, fltting around on his spring, like Paul Barry, Zeb only cost a few bob, unlike the millions going into the trust. Ah well. No big signing from Arsenal then.

Memories of Gus Ceaser, Batson, decent players, unlike the drones of today, duracelled, hard, competent, no talent though, football today is like watching a hand in front of your face. A hand says stop, please stop.

United. Morrison needs a spring to get around, the last time he was here, he could not run fast then. Has he a skate board now? Can he get off the ground to head a ball?

I bet the new training compound will have lights flashing at 4am, funny smells, loud music, Dereks and Bobs everywhere, and inclusion must include lost indian tribes from a small island in the pacific, Argentinians, and Megan Markle. And Boner dressed as a female dancer at a brazillian fiesta, truly a wondrous sight.

And an analysis room looking like a bombs hit it.