O/T Dad Jokes 6

[phild]

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Another selection to read to the wife
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I should eat less, but i have too much on my plate

Did you get rid of your desk yet? No, im working on it

A guy passed away after making fun of my friend Terry, He must have died of dissin' Terry

Son, you know you can see through your mother and me, we're transparents

When i was younger i was a hippy, that made my mom mississippi

What did the drummer call his twin daughters, anna one, anna two

My wife gets annoyed if i mess with her red wine so ive added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever

i just got hit by a rental car, it Hertz

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made of orange soda, it took me a while to work out it was just a fanta sea

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage, the zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity

Are you really going to ask for a glass coffin when you die? remains to be seen

How big is the ocean, you're going to have to be more pacific

Why do melons never go to vegas to get married? because they cantaloupe

Liking mushrooms doesnt make me boring, im a fun guy

INTERVIEWER what would you consider one of your strengths?

I perform under pressure

INTERVIEWER Can you give me an example

Mm ba ba de
um bum ba de
um bu bu ba de
PRESSURE, pushing down on me....

[soulman101]