I had this fecker weighed up on the 1st of August.

"Signing for us from Chelsea apparently. Big lad, still only 23, but I can only recall seeing him a couple of times when he was on loan at Southampton and he looked a bit of a donkey to me."

That was nearly 4 months ago and I've seen nowt since to make me change my mind. In fact I've seen nowt since full stop. As much use as a chocolate fireguard.