Election Year or Fear!

[swaledale]

Just found this online. Your views would be appreciated...

Dear Muslims of the UK,
My family and I have decided it’s time to move to a Muslim country. We’re still comparing the benefits packages — Saudi Arabia has the cash but zero pubs, Turkey’s got beaches but the call to prayer is a bit “early o’clock.” Decisions, decisions.
Obviously all my neighbours are coming too. And their neighbours. And their mates from the pub. Before you know it, half of Britain will be rocking up at passport control with three suitcases, a Union Jack beach towel, and the quiet confidence of people who’ve never been asked to integrate in their lives.
As a proud Christian community, we’ll need a few tiny adjustments to make us feel at home:
Please start building proper churches immediately — big ones with bells that go mental at 8am on a Sunday. None of this polite muffled ding-dong nonsense. We want full Fat Controller energy.
We’ll also need certain roads closed for our marches. Just the occasional Easter procession with 400 middle-aged men in slightly tight robes singing “All Things Bright and Beautiful” at the top of their lungs. It’s not five times a day, relax. We’re civilised.
Every single supermarket must stock proper British pork: bacon, sausages, black pudding, the works. We’re a minority now, so you’ll just have to be understanding and tolerant of our deeply held cultural tradition of putting pig in everything.
We’re bringing the dogs. All of them. Expect Labradors, spaniels and staffies enthusiastically ****ting on every pavement while we smile and say “he’s just saying hello!” You’ll need dog parks. You’ll also need to smile when we walk them past your mosques at peak prayer time. That’s called diversity, mate.
Your religious holidays are lovely and all, but they’re a bit full-on. We’d appreciate it if you toned them down or maybe just moved them to a Tuesday so they don’t clash with The Chase.
In schools, our kids must be allowed to wear massive crucifixes, eat ham sandwiches right next to fasting pupils, and refuse to sit near anyone who’s had a bacon butty. Any complaints will be treated as Christianophobia. We’ve already got the lawyers on speed dial and a very tearful BBC interview lined up.
If any of this is refused, please send a full list of police stations so we can report you for hate, discrimination, and general not-being-nice-enough-to-us.
One more thing: if my lads burn your flag because England won on penalties, please be understanding. I’ll give them a really stern look and make them write “sorry” 100 times. Probably while wearing their new “Three Lions” replica shirt.
We’d also like generous benefits, free housing, and a nice little “integration grant” while we spend the next three generations “finding ourselves.” Work is obviously optional. We do, however, intend to drink heavily, gamble on the horses, and go topless in your parks the second it hits 22?C. You’ll get used to it.
Thanks in advance for your legendary tolerance. After all, diversity is our strength!
Yours in Christ (and the occasional cheeky pint),
A Very Reasonable Christian

Very little of it stands up to close examination of what happens in real life. So utter bull**** written by some ignorant prejudiced ****! Not you obviously!