I cocked 1 eye at him and he cocked 1 eye at me. There we stood - cock eyed -Tommy Cooper
I found that I had my right toes on my left foot and my left toes on my right foot. Doctor told me I’d got myxomatosis - Jimmy Cricket
Man sees a notice in a tailors saying, sale of suits lasting 3 days, so he went in the shop and asked “ Do you have any suits that last longer than three days”. - Frank Carson
A man bought a hole and put it on the back of his lorry and drove off. While driving, the hole fell off the back of his lorry so he stopped to get out and look where it was. Unfortunately he couldn’t see it and unfortunately fell down it & nobody has seen him since - Ken Goodwin.
Man went for a job on a building site. Foreman asked him if he could brew tea. Of course said the man. Foreman then asks - Can you drive a stacker truck? The man replied - how big is the bloody tea pot? - Bernard Manning
Same man went to another building site and was given a trial by the foreman who was a right arsxxxxx
The man fell off some scaffolding and the Foreman clocked him off before he hit the ground. - Roy Chubby Brown.